SGB #241 - My Pet Hamburger

**SPEAKER_1** (0:00)
Since he got out, bad things keep happening.

**SPEAKER_2** (0:05)
Cape Fear, a new series, is now streaming on Apple TV. Why would I want to hurt you?
Starring Academy Award winner Javier Bardem, and Academy Award nominee Amy Adams.

**SPEAKER_1** (0:21)
He's coming after my family.

**SPEAKER_2** (0:26)
Cape Fear, now streaming on Apple TV.

**SPEAKER_3** (0:30)
Introducing Taco Bell's new Jalapeno Citrus Salsa with Bright Citrus, Real Red Jalapenos, Guajillo Chiles. Usually, you add sauce to the food, but when the sauce is this good, the food is just there to get the sauce to your mouth. That rolled quesadilla, not a rolled quesadilla anymore. Now it's a sauce shovel. Taco Bell's Jalapeno Citrus Salsa. Get it with any item on the Cantina Chicken Menu, while it's here.
The participating US. Taco Bell locations for a limited time only. While supplies last, contact store for availability.

**SPEAKER_4** (1:02)
From backyard barbecues to homegrown herbs, the best parts of summer started loads. Right now, get three Ferry Morse 1.3 quart vegetables and herbs for just $12.
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**Johnny Cann** (1:59)
Hey nut butter enthusiasts, welcome to Spooky Gay Bullsh!t, I'm Johnny.

**Tyler Hyde** (2:03)
And I'm Tyler.

**Johnny Cann** (2:04)
And this is our weekly hangout, where we get to go over all of the spooky gay bullsh!t that we just didn't have time to cover on the main show.

**Tyler Hyde** (2:10)
That's right, because it's Friday night, we're eating our sandwiches jelly up, and that's Rojo Caliente.

**Johnny Cann** (2:15)
Ooh, yeah, because they fell on the ground. Oh, I don't like that. But doesn't it always fall jelly side up?
Well, yes. Isn't it supposed to?

**Tyler Hyde** (2:25)
Yes.

**Johnny Cann** (2:25)
What is that?

**Tyler Hyde** (2:26)
No.

**Johnny Cann** (2:27)
Does that prove that God's real?

**Tyler Hyde** (2:29)
No.
No, that doesn't. But what I'm talking about is when you eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, you eat it with the jelly on the top, because then the jelly is what hits the top of your mouth, and then you don't get the peanut butter stuck to the roof of your mouth. It's the absolute worst thing about peanut butter.

**Johnny Cann** (2:49)
OK, so the jelly can like ride on a wave with the peanut butter.

**Tyler Hyde** (2:53)
Exactly. There's a barrier between the roof of your mouth and the peanut butter.

**Johnny Cann** (2:59)
It's like sediment, you know?
I think the harder stuff is kind of like lower, and you know, the more stable stuff gets looser up at the top. Yeah. Yeah.

**Tyler Hyde** (3:12)
Exactly. You know, this is why if I worked at Subway, it would truly be a sandwich artist.

**Johnny Cann** (3:17)
Oh, at this point, you'd be like a sandwich artist, a sandwich geologist, with the way that we're talking about it.

**Tyler Hyde** (3:25)
A sandwich archaeologist. Yes. I was going to say archivist.

**Johnny Cann** (3:30)
Archivist, yes.

**Tyler Hyde** (3:31)
But I probably could find a good way to archive a sandwich. I did archive a McDonald's burger. You did. Which is not a sandwich. But it's sandwich adjacent.

**Johnny Cann** (3:42)
Is a hot dog a sandwich?

**Tyler Hyde** (3:45)
I say no.

**Johnny Cann** (3:45)
Some people say otherwise.

**Tyler Hyde** (3:47)
I know they do. But I just feel like the bun, the architecture of a hot dog bun eliminates it from the sandwich family in the way that a hamburger bun eliminates a hamburger from the sandwich family.

**Johnny Cann** (4:03)
Fair enough. Now back to your archival hamburger.

**Tyler Hyde** (4:06)
Oh yeah. Yeah. I have archived sandwiches before, sandwich adjacent things. I'm sure I could do something similar with perhaps a Subway Sub.

**Johnny Cann** (4:15)
If you don't know, when we lived in Montreal, he learned that McDonald's burgers never go bad. So he got one as a metaphor for a presentation that he was doing.

**Tyler Hyde** (4:26)
I did a presentation in school and I had to buy a hamburger for a metaphor because I was explaining the education system in Canada.

**Johnny Cann** (4:33)
As a hamburger.

**Tyler Hyde** (4:34)
As a hamburger.

**Johnny Cann** (4:36)
And you would have thought as the starving students that we were at the time, that you would have eaten the hamburger when you were dumb, but no.