S4/E1 | Detainment

Keegan-Michael Key (0:01)

13 Days of Halloween, Penance.

A co-production of iHeart3D Audio, Blumhouse Television and Grim and Mild from Aaron Manky. Headphones recommended, listener discretion advised.

Natalie Morales (0:45)

Shit, okay, three minutes, plenty of time.

SPEAKER_4 (0:47)

Okay, could be worse.

SPEAKER_5 (0:52)

Six thirty four p.m. Well, I called yesterday to talk about my warranty. I talked to a woman, I think her name was Cindy.

Natalie Morales (1:05)

Me and no.

SPEAKER_5 (1:06)

Did we? But I still, I have had a few questions about my warranty.

Natalie Morales (1:18)

Jesus.

SPEAKER_5 (1:19)

I'll call back.

Natalie Morales (1:20)

Looking forward.

SPEAKER_4 (1:21)

Friday, March 22nd at 7:33 p.m. We understand your business is important to you, and that's why it's important to protect it.

Natalie Morales (1:30)

Not my business, not important to me.

SPEAKER_4 (1:32)

No one likes to think about the unforeseen.

Natalie Morales (1:34)

Literally impossible.

SPEAKER_4 (1:35)

But what if I told you, you don't have to?

Natalie Morales (1:47)

What did you call from a fallout shelter?

SPEAKER_4 (1:52)

End of messages.

Natalie Morales (1:54)

Okay, not too bad. Maybe this day won't be a complete shit show.

SPEAKER_6 (2:01)

Do you work here?

Natalie Morales (2:03)

Well, my shirt matches the walls, so that's a good guess. But actually, we're not open for another, um...

SPEAKER_6 (2:11)

This will only take a second. Do I smell coffee?

Natalie Morales (2:17)

Yeah, that's for customers.

SPEAKER_6 (2:18)

Oh, how considerate.

Natalie Morales (2:21)

There's little paper cups.

SPEAKER_6 (2:23)

No need. I brought my own.

Natalie Morales (2:26)

That's a giant thermos.

SPEAKER_6 (2:28)

We have a long drive.

Natalie Morales (2:31)

Okay. So what can I help you with?

SPEAKER_6 (2:35)

It's just you here?

Natalie Morales (2:39)

Like I said, we just opened.

SPEAKER_6 (2:43)

Sugar?

Natalie Morales (2:44)

In the cabinet under... Right.

So did you need assistance or?

SPEAKER_6 (2:53)

Well, not quite.

I was just curious if your boss was in. You see, I have a return.

Natalie Morales (3:00)

A return?

SPEAKER_6 (3:02)

Yes.

Natalie Morales (3:03)

Well, we don't really take...

SPEAKER_6 (3:05)

Well, that's why I wanted to come in person. Sort of a special circumstance.

SPEAKER_8 (3:12)

Right.

Natalie Morales (3:13)

Well, I don't know exactly when the manager will be back in today, but you could come back another day and...

SPEAKER_6 (3:21)

Oh, unfortunately, I'm on a schedule. If you could just take a look and tell me if I've got a case, it would be a tremendous help.

SPEAKER_8 (3:28)

Okay, where is it?

SPEAKER_6 (3:30)

In my car.

Natalie Morales (3:31)

Your car?

SPEAKER_6 (3:33)

Why, I couldn't carry it myself.

Natalie Morales (3:35)

Bad back.

SPEAKER_6 (3:37)

Mm, my, that's strong.

Natalie Morales (3:39)

Yeah, Colombian blend.

SPEAKER_6 (3:41)

Should be pretty easy for you. I'm parked right out front.

Right.

Natalie Morales (3:47)

Sure. Why not?

SPEAKER_6 (3:53)

This is me?

Natalie Morales (3:54)

The unmarked, windowless murder van?

SPEAKER_6 (3:58)

You're wicked.

SPEAKER_7 (4:04)

Privet.

SPEAKER_6 (4:09)

You're better.

Natalie Morales (4:09)

What?

Move! Move!

SPEAKER_2 (4:24)

Oh, she's up.

Natalie Morales (4:27)

What is this place? On your feet. Wait, why am I handcuffed? What am I doing here?

SPEAKER_6 (4:31)

Stay at.

Natalie Morales (4:32)

Am I under arrest? What for?

SPEAKER_6 (4:34)

What did he say?

Natalie Morales (4:35)

Who are you people? Wait, why are you doing this?

Stop, stop, let me go, I didn't do anything.

SPEAKER_7 (4:43)

Turn to the left.

Natalie Morales (4:44)

What am I doing here?

SPEAKER_9 (4:46)

Turn to the right.

Natalie Morales (4:47)

If I am under arrest, you have to tell me what I'm charged with.

SPEAKER_7 (4:51)

Face me.

Natalie Morales (4:52)

Or else this is unlawful imprisonment.

SPEAKER_7 (4:54)

Smile.

Natalie Morales (4:55)

Oh, you gotta be kidding me.

SPEAKER_7 (4:57)

Left hand, first finger, roll it over in the ink, press it down on the scanner, wait.

Natalie Morales (5:04)

What are we waiting for?

SPEAKER_7 (5:06)

The machine to match them up.

Natalie Morales (5:07)

Match them up with what? I've never been arrested for anything.

SPEAKER_7 (5:10)

Left hand, middle finger, roll it over in the ink, press it down on the scanner, wait.

Natalie Morales (5:15)

This is gonna take forever.

SPEAKER_7 (5:17)

We have the time.

SPEAKER_2 (5:19)

Requisition of resident alpha SAE 1560 inventory.

Natalie Morales (5:24)

What is happening to me?

SPEAKER_2 (5:26)

Inventory.

One pair of black sunglasses, missing nose piece. A collection of keys hung from, what looks like a shoelace.

Natalie Morales (5:35)

I haven't done anything wrong.

SPEAKER_2 (5:36)

One lighter, does not appear to work. One pack of juicy fruit.

Two sticks left. Credit card, debit card, photo ID, coupon for a free sandwich.