S2 Ep22 Questions for a Sex Therapist

Lola (0:01)

Welcome back to The Secret Life of Swingers. I am one of your hosts, Ms. Lola.

Brooke (0:04)

And I'm Brooke.

Lola (0:05)

And I'm super excited, like really excited. We were introduced to somebody named Tal, who is a sex therapist. And as soon as I heard that, I was like, you're coming on the show. And here we are today. So welcome, Tal.

Tal Nesichi (0:18)

Thank you. I'm so happy to be here.

Lola (0:19)

I am so excited. So let's get started by you just telling us a little bit about kind of your experience and what led you to becoming a sex therapist and why you wanted to do this and your own practice. You should be able to promote that a little bit too.

Tal Nesichi (0:31)

Yeah. So I specialize in sex therapy and couples work, and I've actually been in practice for a few years. I specialize in trauma for a good bit, and I thought this is a great avenue for something that's missing. When you work with trauma survivors or just general people with like anxiety, depression, that kind of stuff, you know how to remove symptoms or make life a little bit easier for them. But what about the pleasure component? That component is missing. So things don't hurt anymore, they're not as difficult, but what about the pleasure? So sex therapy and trauma work just vibrate really, really well.

And it works really well with couples work. It's literally part of a couple's life or relationships. So that's kind of led me to do what I do.

Lola (1:18)

Awesome. And you just recently started your own practice, correct?

Tal Nesichi (1:20)

Yes, last month.

Lola (1:21)

Okay. And it's called Reconnect Therapy and it's in College Station, but you do, I'm assuming virtual and in-person appointments as well, if somebody's interested.

Tal Nesichi (1:28)

Yes, yes. I see people in-person in College Station and I see people across Texas virtually. So, yeah.

Lola (1:34)

Very cool. Yeah. And I mean, I immediately went to, you've got to have lifestyle clients. And obviously, you can't tell us these things, but I mean, sex is such a huge part of the lifestyle. So I'm assuming that that's one thing. And actually, the question that you brought up first, Brooke, was, and I'm curious, is do you ever suggest people to join the lifestyle in sex therapy? Is that a suggestion for couples?

Tal Nesichi (1:57)

I don't suggest people anything in particular. I more like try to gauge what is important to them, what kind of relationship structure they choose, and then help them figure out what their boundaries are around that.

And if that's a lifestyle, by all means, whatever makes you happy.

Brooke (2:18)

Great. Yeah.

Lola (2:19)

Okay.

Tal Nesichi (2:19)

Cool.

Brooke (2:20)

Yeah, that makes sense.

Lola (2:21)

Yeah. So I don't know, do we want to start with our most commonly asked questions?

Brooke (2:24)

Yes. Okay. Yeah, probably.

Lola (2:26)

Which one do you want to start with?

Brooke (2:27)

Oh my gosh. You had brought up one. Yeah.

It was the one part. And I think I have talked to people who, this is why they got into the lifestyle originally, was because one partner wanted more sex than the other. Like one was very happy to be like, no, I'm good being absent. I don't need you to touch me. And the other one was like, but I want to touch you or somebody else. Yes, I need human connection. And that's what kind of led them to the lifestyle. So like, is that something that you see a lot where one partner is like, has a very high libido and the other doesn't?

Tal Nesichi (2:58)

Yeah, absolutely. That's like probably the number one thing that I see. The most common concern for sex therapists is desire discrepancy. So let's start by first of all normalizing that, okay? If you're in a long-term relationship, after some time, there's gonna be a gap in needs of any kind, right? You're two fundamentally different people, so it makes sense that one of you is gonna want something that the other is gonna want less of, more of or different, right?

And even if you think about it more like logically, let's say partner A wants sex three times a week, and partner B is happy with once a week. You have a discrepancy, right? Now, let's say partner A is partnered with C, and C wants sex every day. Now, all of a sudden, partner A is the low libido partner, not the highly libido partner, right? So the discrepancy is always relationship dependent, right? It's not that you are a highly libido or a low libido person. It's more like what happens within the relationship and what each person needs, right?