S2 E1 - "A Taste of Gotham"

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Batman The Audio Adventures.

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This is what evil dwells in the heart of the dark of the city, one lone defender of the night. Look in the shadows, on the rooftops.

It's a specter, it's a shade, it's...

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Central City takes a 3-1.

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Good evening, folks. This is Jack Ryder here in downtown Gotham City's fabulous Restaurant Row, formerly known as the Rendering District. It looks like the whole city has turned out tonight for the Taste of Gotham Festival, an annual outdoor celebration of all the yummy things cooking in Gotham and the bat signal just lit up.

That's always comforting.

Nothing says everything is okay like seeing the old bat signal in the sky. Just gonna continue on here as if I'm sure a gang of clowns with Tommy guns is not about to come tearing out of the alley. It's called being a pro in this town. Okay, so as I say, it's the annual Taste of Gotham Festival and we're just in time for one of its most delicious...

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Whoa!

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Coming through!

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My bad. One of its most delicious and time-honored traditions.

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No, no, no, you can't stand there, Mac. There's gonna be pierogies coming through here.

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Okay, here? Yes, that's right, pierogies. We're here outside Mama Dagmar's Famous Diner for the infamous Pierogies Pig Out. Let's hear that jingle, ladies.

That's right, Gotham loves their pierogies, and none more so than...

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Hot pierogies!

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Sorry, look, I'm trying to cooperate.

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Mama Dagmar says the pierogies gotta be hot.

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All right, the rules are simple. The hungry Gothamite who wolfs down or gobbles up the most Mama Dagmar pierogies in just five minutes wins, and waiting right here to crown this year's winner is Gotham's pierogi queen herself, Mama Dagmar. Oh, she's late, so no Mama Dagmar. Do we do any prep work on this show, or do you just send me out here to dangle like a jerk? All right, fantastic.

Then let's meet our five hungry contestants. Contestant number one, how are you feeling?

SPEAKER_7 (2:26)

Feeling good, Jack.

Well, a little nervous, actually. At least, I hope it's nerves. Could be scarecrow drugs. I mean, if I was dosed with scarecrow drugs, wouldn't it feel exactly like this? No, but I'm good, I think.

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Great, so?

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You know, I know it's been almost two weeks since Valentine's Day, and the police say the Batman is on it, but the Joker is still out there, and...

SPEAKER_5 (2:46)

Okay, we don't really use the J-word on this program anymore. It's a new policy. Also, we're discouraging mentioning the scarecrow or any of his escalating narco-terrorism. Thank you. People are trying to enjoy an eating competition. So, moving on. Contestant number two, are you ready for it? Is someone supposed to be sitting in this chair?

Anyone?

Contestant number two left when the bat signal lit up? Okay, great. This is going great. It's not too soon, Jack. Gotham's ready for a nighttime outdoor competitive eating contest.

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Move it, Jackson! Last load of pierogies! Mama Dagmar says the dough's just so, and the meat is sweet!

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Wow, that was loud. Ladies, I'm gonna be the one that cues you, okay? Not the waitress. Still, no Mama Dagmar? Okay, look, let's just start this thing, okay? It's only a 90-minute broadcast. Okay, contestants, on your marks, get set, let the pierogi pig out begin.

Look at them go. Look at...

Mickey, where is she?

Mama Dagmar. Well, what am I supposed to do? Just watch them eat? Okay, here, get that waitress. Miss?

SPEAKER_6 (3:58)

My name is Harleen Quinzel Jackson. I'm new in town, but I'm already a big fan of yours.

SPEAKER_5 (4:04)

Well, that's great. Harleen, did you say? What can you tell us about these famous pierogies, Harleen?

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Well, Mama Dagmar says the meat is key.

SPEAKER_5 (4:14)

Amen to that.

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Which is weird, because she'd do anything to avoid paying top dollar for the stuff.

SPEAKER_5 (4:20)

She what?

SPEAKER_6 (4:20)

Oh, yeah, she's all up in the meatpacking racket. If it's cheap, it goes in the pierogies. We're not talking grade A meat.

Anyway, about a week ago, she tried to get cute. She thought she saw an opportunity to undercut her wholesaler in the chaos.

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Chaos? What chaos?

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You know how it is since the Penguin and Two-Face crime syndicates moiged.

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I really don't.

SPEAKER_6 (4:49)

Oh, come on. If you don't see what's going on, you must be selling pencils.

See, Mama Dee figured since Penguin and Two-Face were teamed up, she didn't need to pay out twice. I guess Two-Face didn't like her getting wise, so long story short, Two-Face sent his boys over here late last night after closing. And you know, looks like Mama Dagma went into the kitchen and parokies came out if you catch my drift.