Rosebud Baker: A Joke About A Mother's Love

Rosebud Baker (0:05)

It's crazy too. I honestly, I'm so surprised by how much I love this kid, you know? I mean, don't get me wrong, I knew I was gonna love her, but I didn't know it was gonna be like this. Like, because I didn't always want to be a mom, I guess I thought that loving your kid this much was for people whose, like, dreams had gone away.

Like, put it this way, whenever I talked to somebody and they were like, the day I had my kid, the rest of my life just didn't matter as much, I'd be like, well, yeah, you were a gym teacher.

I'm not a fucking loser. I had a cool life, okay? But it's true, I am a loser. I am a loser for this kid. There is, like, nothing new you can say about parenthood because every cliche is just true, except for this one. Parents used to say this to me. They'd be like, I didn't even understand what love was until I had a baby. And that is horseshit, okay? Because the way I feel about my kid, it's not love. It's a brand new emotion that I don't have a name for, but it's a lot scarier than love. Like, I love my husband, love him, but I would never put my nose in his ass to check if it's just a fart.

Not for the money he's making right now, anyway. There's no fucking way. I'm gonna have to jump up a couple of tax brackets. Watch Rosebud Baker and The Motherload only on Netflix.