Ron Taylor: A Joke About Partying

Ron Taylor (0:05)

I had to quit partying, I had to. I can't party like I used to, I stopped drinking as much. All the rules around drinking is fucked up. I feel like a setup. You can't drink and drive. What the fuck is the cup holder for?

You can't drink and drive, why is there a parking lot at the liquor store? How the fuck do you think I got here on a horseback? Let me in this bitch. It's a setup, then you drink, you drive, you go to jail. What? What year are we in? You can't do something but get drunk drivers like a lane or something. A drunk driving lane. There's a lane for everything else. You got a carpool lane, a bus lane, a bike lane, a bike lane. You're on the bus, you broke bitch.

He's driving out here.

And I help design it, god damn it. I make it just like, you know, when you take kids bowling, you pull the bumpers up on the side, that where you just, oh wait, shit, oh shit. Wait, oh, wait, there it is, hold up. Get where you need to go. Don't just lock me up. And then the age, how old you gotta be to drink? 21 Why, says who?

Why not 20? Why not 22? What the fuck is so special about 21? This ain't Black Jack. You know how many other dangerous things you can do before you're 21? All of them. You knew all the dangerous things. You can drive a car. You can have a gun. You can be in the war, fighting for freedom. This is the craziest one. You can do porn.

Is that not crazy to y'all that you can suck dick legally? Pay taxes on it.

Yeah, that's your real employment.

And this is the fucked up thing. You can do it for a while. After about 18, 19, 20, you ain't no rookie. You a vet. Sucking dick is what you do. You trying to get out the game. You start picking up extra shit. You just pulled a double double. That's full of dicks now. Come on, do the math.

You get off work. You tired. You sore. You sticky. You crunchy. You go home and got a drink. A Capri Sun? What? Catch Ron Taylor and Funny AF with Kevin Hart. Only on Netflix.