Robby Hoffman: A Joke About Raising Kids

**Robby Hoffman** (0:14)
I'm Robby Hoffman, thank you for watching. I'll see you next time.
Oh, yeah, I might have to take these. This shit's mine now. But I was, like, sad. I remember being a kid, and I was, like, sad. I was, like, what if you grow up and you're still gay? And you want a family, you want kids. I was too young to decide. I came from such a large family. I was, like, what if you want a family, you want kids? And then I remember being, like, relieved. I was, like, oh, yeah. I actually heard about this. I actually think I just heard about this. If you grow up and you're gay, you want a family, you want kids, at some point, they'll throw you, like, a nine-year-old. This is Tony. Look at that. Wow. Isn't that fantastic? He's got all his shots. He's moving ready. I love that. He's potty-trained turnkey Tony. That's just terrific. What a cutie. What a cutie.
And if, like, a few years later, your wife wanted another kid or whatever, they give you, like, a 15-year-old. Of course, he's got severe anger management issues, as you can imagine. Twice the size of me. I could die at any moment. But this is Tony and Miguel. These are my sons. These are my sons. Right? That's what the gay American family was supposed to be. That's what the gay American family was supposed to look like. A dyke and her sons.
Yeah. Never mind. I got the Menendez brothers. I could die at any... Yeah. Yeah.
You know, I'm gonna raise men out of these boys. I got Rogan playing all day. No pussy shit.
In this house. And the fags, the fags, they're gonna adopt all the loose little girls. Right? All the girls go to the gay dads. Right? These girls are fucking decked. You've never seen hotter girls. In your life, right? Girls prom comes around, gay daddies making the dress some fucking stuff. Other gay daddies at the florist, he's stressed. The corsage better match perfect. You've never seen hotter girls than the girls who walk out of the house with the two gay dads. Now, Dyches, we were gonna raise men out of these boys, and the fags, they're gonna raise women out of these girls. So while you're all raising your they, them, so whatever the fuck you've done with your own kids...
We're gonna raise men and women once again. Watch Robby Hoffman, Wake Up, only on Netflix.