Repair Rocky Relationships FAST with These Simple 6 Steps to Become Secure

Thais Gibson (0:00)

Today, we are gonna do a deep dive into the major pillars of what a securely attached relationship looks like with another person. And we're gonna talk about really crucial pillars to have integrated into your relationship dynamic that will allow both of you to build towards becoming securely attached. And this is because they get so many questions about what a securely attached relationship looks like. And I recognize very much that a lot of people don't have a lot of healthy modeling for secure relationships growing up. And so I wanna share with you a sneak peek from a very in-depth webinar that comes from basically we do six live webinars every single week inside PDS. And there's tons and tons of topics in there, but this is a really important one that I just wanna share a sneak peek from. So you can check out some of our more in-depth content and really understand these pillars and these dynamics between yourself and somebody else as you're becoming secure. So I really hope you enjoy this. And if you want to check out any other future content, you can access a seven-day free trial using the link in the description down below.

Okay, so these overarching themes to become secure, reconditioned core wounds, learn your needs, and develop a relationship to your own needs. Learn to communicate the needs to other people. Emotionally regulate, which is covered a lot in the first piece, but some somatic processing, some nervous system regulation go a very long way. And then we have learning healthy boundaries, updating behavioral coping mechanisms. So if you can do these six things, you're going to see that becomes secure attachment. So as you're going through this journey and seeing what secure attachment looks like, it mirrors back to you those six things, right? You get better and better at emotionally regulating. So you'll see, for example, that your triggers happen less and less. And you know, I can speak for probably, I know a lot of you guys could speak for yourselves and you've done this work and really made a huge dent in. I see some people putting in the Facebook group, I'm 100 percent securely attached. You know, all these different dynamics. And I know a lot of you come a long way.

But you'll see, like one of the big things you'll see here is that your triggers happen less intensely first. Like the emotions don't get so out of hand, so they happen less intensely first.

And then you'll see, after they happen less intensely, they happen less frequently. So you'll start seeing your triggers space out further and further. I know for me, I remember one day, and I used to get triggered all the time, like multiple times a day, every day, big triggers, like just very negative internal dialogue, giving myself a hard time, lots of shadow stuff, lots of things that were coming up for me.

And big time, what I found is that as I became really good at emotional processing, not only was I in a position where the triggers are coming down, like things that I was waiting for to trigger me, like a nine or a 10 out of 10, I'd be like, well, this is uncomfortable, but it's like a four, it doesn't feel good.

And I'm frustrated, but it's not a big thing. And then instead of being triggered all the time, I started being triggered, like I started thinking, well, I don't remember the last time I was really triggered by something. I can remember times where needs were on that, I could talk about unmet needs, something bothered me or rubbed me the wrong way, but I could address it, it was a solvable problem. And then also bounce back time from those things was massively different. So you'll see in that emotional space, things that may have upset you for two days, three days, all of a sudden, end up upsetting you for 15 minutes. You do an emotional processing tool, you semantically process for a minute, and it feels solvable. And that's where I really want to encourage everybody to get to this space because this is very possible. This isn't like a pipe dream. This isn't like a huge standard to set yourself to. It may feel like that if you didn't grow up in a household where that was the norm.

But that should be what you strive for in here. That should be like your plan. And then what you're going to get into is a space of going, I can handle stuff. You feel in charge of your emotions instead of feeling afraid of your emotions. It's like, okay, if things come my way and I feel uncomfortable emotion, I'm just going to see these things as feedback. Okay, this is triggering me. What's it telling me about myself? What's going on here? So we start getting into that really powerful space. So that's a really, really big place to be starting from. That's what to expect on your path to becoming more secure.