Red Flags, Green Flags & the Dating/Relationship Advice You've Been Getting Wrong with Sabrina Zohar

Arielle Lorre (0:01)

The following podcast is a Dear Media production.

This is Well, a podcast about wellness and all its forms. I'm Arielle Lorre, and each week, I'm sharing unfiltered conversations with the people shaping how we feel, live and look. Come for the substance, stay for the honesty, and leave with the tools to be well, inside and out.

Whether you are single, dating, in a relationship, married, in a situation ship, regardless of your romantic status, I truly think that today's episode is a total must-listen because we're talking dating relationships and all of the ways that we get in our own way when it comes to love and that applies to everybody.

My guest today has built an audience of over 5 million people by saying the things about dating and relationships that a lot of us probably need to hear, but don't necessarily want to hear. Sabrina Zohar is one of the biggest voices in the dating and relationships space. Her podcast, The Sabrina Zohar Show, is absolutely huge. It's actually ranked in the top 0.5% of podcasts globally. She's appeared on The Drew Barrymore Show and Terman Hall. She has a new book coming out called Why Am I Like This? What I love about Sabrina is that she's not here to give you the usual dating advice or tell you that every acts as a narcissist or if he wanted to, he would. She's very direct, she's very funny, she self-discloses a ton, which I loved in this episode, and she's much more interested in helping people understand their own behavior than obsess over somebody else's. So in today's episode, we get into why we keep choosing the same types of people, why healthy relationships can sometimes feel boring, how to tell the difference between chemistry and anxiety and all the subtle ways we sabotage relationships without even realizing that we're doing it. Something that I loved that she talked about in this episode is how not to attach to attachment styles. She said something that was a big revelation for me, which was that we all have different attachment styles depending on who we're dealing with. That's just one small example of the many pearls of wisdom that she brought to this episode. She also had a lot of tangible, actionable things that we can do to get out of a romantic spiral and so much more. So this isn't just for people who are single. So much of what Sabrina talks about applies to how we behave in long-term relationships, how we communicate and how we get into and out of our own way. So I know you're going to get so much out of this one. Please enjoy Sabrina Zohar. To start, I want to play a round of red flag, green flag, beige flag. They say they're not a big texter, but they're great in person.

Sabrina Zohar (2:42)

Green flag.

Arielle Lorre (2:44)

Say more about that.

Sabrina Zohar (2:45)

Texting has no tone and text is a dopamine reward loop. And so you end up just getting stuck into the idea of somebody. I would so much rather have somebody that is a rock star in person and says like, hey, really not big into connecting on my phone, but let's spend more time together than somebody that texts you good morning until one of you dies. And you're just going in this loop, but maybe they're not showing up or in person. They don't know how to hold a conversation.

I think wanting texting is a valid want and request, but I don't think it's a necessity in building a healthy relationship.

Arielle Lorre (3:14)

How often do you text with your partner?

Sabrina Zohar (3:17)

I'll be honest, had I listened to the advice of if they like you, they'll text you every day, I wouldn't be with him because he from the beginning was like, I work in tech, I don't need a mini computer in my hand all the time. I am very busy, but I want to make time for you. So we text, I mean, we live together, so of course it's slightly different, but even then, if I text him, he'll be like, all right, babe, let's talk when we get home, or he'll just be like, can you please call me? I don't want to do this because some people legitimately hate holding their phone.

Arielle Lorre (3:42)

Yeah, that's me.

Sabrina Zohar (3:43)

Is it?

Arielle Lorre (3:43)

Yeah, I mean, my boyfriend and I say we live together and we text, like, he'll text me during the day, like, love you, thinking of you, that kind of thing. That's all I want. I'm already on my phone enough, and I don't want to be looking at my phone. I'll see you when we get home and we'll connect then. So, I agree with you there. Okay, they're still friends with an ex.