Pretty Little Episode #112

Lena (0:02)

This is a Headgum Podcast.

Tig Notaro (0:16)

Pretty Little Episode.

Fortune Feimster (0:19)

Welcome to the Handsome Pod's Pretty Little Episode. It's me, Fortune Feimster, and me, Mae Martin.

Mae Martin (0:25)

I just had a little coughing fit there.

Fortune Feimster (0:27)

I saw you were choking, so I decided to go on in there with the introduction.

Mae Martin (0:31)

Thank you for that, my friend. You're welcome. Always got my back.

Fortune Feimster (0:35)

That's right.

Mae Martin (0:36)

I have a hard time drinking water and breathing at the same time.

Fortune Feimster (0:42)

It's complicated, you know?

Mae Martin (0:43)

It's complicated.

Fortune Feimster (0:44)

You never know how hard it is to breathe until you can't.

Mae Martin (0:47)

Have you ever had a coughing fit on stage?

Fortune Feimster (0:50)

Oh, I sure have. I was in Eureka Springs, Arkansas, and I had just eaten a charcuterie board pre-show.

Mae Martin (1:00)

This is all very on point.

Fortune Feimster (1:02)

And about midway through the show, I started coughing, and then all of a sudden I coughed real big, and a piece of cheese flew out of my mouth onto the floor. And I went, did you guys see that? And they were like, yeah.

Tig Notaro (1:21)

Oh my God.

Mae Martin (1:22)

They probably thought it was part of your lung.

Tig Notaro (1:24)

I know.

Fortune Feimster (1:25)

That was disgusting. I mean, it was just a piece of cheese just lodged in there. So yeah, sometimes it happens.

Lena (1:32)

You had cheese in your pocket.

Tig Notaro (1:34)

I had cheese in my pocket.

Mae Martin (1:36)

Yeah, I had a coughing fit. I flew to Australia to do the festivals, and I must have caught pneumonia on the plane. I have never been that sick, and then I coughed in a televised, like when you have a five-minute set at a gala, and just started coughing, and then when I had to speak again, my voice was like a little frog.

And then in the edit, they cut the coughing out, but halfway through my set, my voice just becomes like...

Fortune Feimster (2:04)

Anyway, guys. Oh my gosh.

Mae Martin (2:06)

It was bad.

Fortune Feimster (2:08)

Yeah.

Mae Martin (2:09)

That might have been the trip where I met you.

Fortune Feimster (2:11)

It might have been. Yeah, it was back in like 2016 or something.

Mae Martin (2:16)

Yeah, I was on a mad terror. Yeah, I was like single and at the festival with the Monia.

Fortune Feimster (2:24)

I was single and mingling.

Mae Martin (2:26)

Yeah. Yeah.

Fortune Feimster (2:27)

Yeah.

Mae Martin (2:27)

How are you, bud?

Fortune Feimster (2:29)

I'm good. I'm currently in Florida right now doing some shows. My tour is at the tail end.

I pulled into the hotel and in one of the parking spaces was a huge iguana.

Mae Martin (2:44)

No.

Fortune Feimster (2:44)

I was like, I'm definitely in Florida.

Mae Martin (2:47)

Okay. Should we Google what that means spiritually?

Fortune Feimster (2:50)

Well, I mean, they're everywhere here.

Mae Martin (2:52)

Just so you know.

Fortune Feimster (2:54)

Did you know that when it gets cold here, iguanas fall out of the tree?

Mae Martin (2:58)

No. They just freeze?

Fortune Feimster (2:59)

Yeah. It freezes them and they fall out of the trees.

Mae Martin (3:06)

Wow.

Fortune Feimster (3:06)

It's a thing. There's a lot of iguanas here.

Mae Martin (3:09)

Yeah. They're big, right?

Fortune Feimster (3:11)

They're very big. I mean, they're small ones too, but these are ginormous. Now, on my way here, my mom called me and she was reminiscing about her love of Florida from when she was in her childhood that used to come here. Then we were about to hang up and she goes, oh, I have to remind you that Florida is full of alligators. Wherever there's water, there's an alligator.

If you're sitting by a pretty chair with water near, there's an alligator.

Mae Martin (3:45)

Oh my God.

Fortune Feimster (3:46)

And then she proceeds to tell me this horrifying story of this woman in a old folks community that had a lake. And you can imagine it didn't end well because it involved an alligator.

SPEAKER_5 (3:59)

She gobbled down?

Fortune Feimster (4:00)

Yes, trying to save her dog. And I was like, why are you calling to tell me this? She goes, they can even be in the pools.

Tig Notaro (4:10)

Check your hotel swimming pool.

Fortune Feimster (4:11)

I'm just like, did you call just to terrify me about bodies of water in Florida?

Mae Martin (4:18)

But she'd be so pissed if you did get eaten by an alligator.