Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave!

Steven Bartlett (0:00)

Should you keep secrets from your partner?

Paul Brunson (0:02)

This is big. Yes. And the data shows it will help to increase satisfaction and lower conflict in your relationship.

Steven Bartlett (0:09)

So give me an example of something that I shouldn't say to my partner.

Paul Brunson (0:11)

Here's a juicy one. So...

Steven Bartlett (0:14)

What about... Paul C Brunson is the world's most influential matchmaker who blends groundbreaking science research and over 15 years of expertise to prove that anyone can create unshakable foundations for long-lasting, life-changing love. I read about this study that says men are approximately 624% more likely to separate if the woman gets terminally ill.

Paul Brunson (0:39)

Yes.

Steven Bartlett (0:39)

What is going on there?

Paul Brunson (0:41)

Typically, it's because there is a low level of satisfaction in the relationship from not having enough sex, for example. But this is a major issue because 80% of relationships have a lower level of satisfaction today than any point in history. And part of that is because most of what we know about finding and keeping love has unfortunately been fed to us through lies.

Steven Bartlett (1:00)

Let's pause there because I want to talk about those myths.

Paul Brunson (1:02)

Okay.

Steven Bartlett (1:03)

So does having more sex increase the happiness in your relationship?

Paul Brunson (1:06)

No.

Steven Bartlett (1:06)

What about having doubts in your relationship? Is that bad?

Paul Brunson (1:08)

That couldn't be further from the truth.

Steven Bartlett (1:10)

Really?

Paul Brunson (1:11)

It's actually healthy to have doubts about your relationship. And this is why.

Steven Bartlett (1:14)

What about if someone cheats? Is that the end of the relationship?

Paul Brunson (1:17)

Brilliant question. And quite honestly...

Steven Bartlett (1:20)

And then what are the most important qualities I need in a partner?

Paul Brunson (1:23)

Okay. This blew my mind. So these are the three traits to have a phenomenal relationship. Number one... Steven.

Steven Bartlett (1:36)

Good to see you again.

Paul Brunson (1:37)

It's awesome to be here.

Steven Bartlett (1:38)

I'm going to ask you a question that assumes that I don't know who you are, which is quite hard because I know you very well. But who are you and who are you to write these two books that I have in front of me, Find Love and Keep Love?

Paul Brunson (1:54)

Well, who am I? I'm first and foremost a husband. I'm a father, I'm a son, I'm a brother, I'm a cousin, I'm an uncle, I'm a mentor, I'm a mentee, I'm all of those things. I feel like those are the things I am first. But I have a long-standing history with relationships. I became a matchmaker, my wife and I launched a matchmaking agency. We became one of the largest agencies in the United States. What's interesting about being a matchmaker is that, a lot of people don't even realize that is a career. There's legit matchmakers. There's probably, I'd say roughly a thousand full-time matchmakers around the world. And what we do is we literally match people together for long-term committed relationships. But what ends up happening if you're successful with that is, two people enter a long-term committed relationship, and because they've built up a relationship with you, they have questions about how do they keep that relationship? How do they keep their love? So my wife and I then began to transition into counselors and coaches for married couples or couples who are in committed relationships. So that's where that started, and that went on for over a decade. And then on top of that, I started, you know, I had research, global research at Tinder, which is a great opportunity for me to look at a very large data set and make predictions as to what's happening with our relationships. I host television shows, reality TV shows, which for good or for bad, I think help to spark conversation about relationships that are needed. So I'm doing research there. You know, I do podcasts like this, you know. So my life actually is all about relationships. And that's the reason why I wanted to write this book. And that's the reason why I feel qualified to write this book.

Steven Bartlett (3:43)

So how long ago was it that you started doing the matchmaking?

Paul Brunson (3:47)

Oh my gosh. So 2008 is when I officially began matchmaking. 17 years?

Steven Bartlett (3:55)

17 years.

Paul Brunson (3:56)

It was a long time ago.

Steven Bartlett (3:57)

The reason I ask that is a lot has changed in 17 years.

Paul Brunson (4:00)

Yes.

Steven Bartlett (4:00)

We've been through this evolution of dating apps and matchmaking services and things like match.com. And my question is, where do you think we find ourselves today as it relates to relationships? Like, what is the macro picture? How are people feeling? The person that's watching this right now, that's either single and looking or in a relationship and maybe struggling. Can you give me an overview, a synopsis of how they're feeling in their head?