Paul Brunson: "The 70/30 Body Shape Is Scientifically The Most Sexy", "The ONE Question That Predicts Divorce!" & "The Link Between Childhood Trauma & Sex"

Paul C. Brunson (0:00)

The number one reason for breakups is not finance, infidelity. It's if you do that, there's a 99% likelihood you'll break up.

Steven Bartlett (0:10)

That's pretty crazy when you think about it.

Paul C. Brunson (0:12)

Paul C.

Steven Bartlett (0:12)

Brunson. The world's most influential matchmaker.

Paul C. Brunson (0:15)

You choose a weak partner. Not only do you not live as long, not as happy, more unhealthy, but you could literally suffer death. So who you choose is the most important decision you could make.

Steven Bartlett (0:28)

So I have questions.

Paul C. Brunson (0:29)

You ready for this?

Steven Bartlett (0:30)

What is the state of dating?

Paul C. Brunson (0:31)

It's a hell of a problem.

Steven Bartlett (0:33)

How do you spot a narcissist?

Paul C. Brunson (0:34)

So the key is to...

Steven Bartlett (0:36)

This golden mean thing in your book. What is that?

Paul C. Brunson (0:38)

It's the optimal measure of what we consider to be sexy. For women, it's the percentage of your waist to your hips. So...

Steven Bartlett (0:46)

What is the future of dating?

Paul C. Brunson (0:47)

I know a lot of people are going to be mad at me for this, but you can go there if you want to. It's like...

Steven Bartlett (0:51)

‎Arranged Marriages.

Paul C. Brunson (0:52)

Data shows us people in the ‎Arranged Marriage have higher satisfaction because...

Steven Bartlett (0:57)

And this is often where many people go wrong. What should I be looking for in a partner?

Paul C. Brunson (1:01)

It has come down to 10 years of research on this. There's five key characteristics that we need. One...

Steven Bartlett (1:08)

Paul, I wanted to go over this thing called Attachment Theory because I think I'm in an avoidant attachment style.

Paul C. Brunson (1:13)

I love this topic. There's some phenomenal research looking at the number of orgasms that people have based on their attachment style. And if they were avoidant, the data showed that...

Steven Bartlett (1:25)

No comment. Moving on.

Paul C. Brunson (1:27)

But I have to say why, though? This is important. Paul.

Steven Bartlett (1:39)

Last time I had you on my show, you were a smash hit. And I look at the episodes and I can see the retention of every conversation I have. The retention is essentially how many minutes of the conversation someone listened to you. And you're a real record breaker on our show in terms of retention. Because the message that you communicate is communicated in such a compelling, relatable way, but you're speaking to a problem that all of us have in our lives, which is this problem of love. And just, I know your story, but there's a chance that some people that have just clicked this don't know your story.

The wisdom you have, what is the experience that you've been on and how long is that experience and what's the sort of flavour and diversity of that experience that has culminated in this wisdom you have about relationship science? What have you been exposed to and how long for?

Paul C. Brunson (2:29)

I spent my first part of my career in finance. So I was a researcher in investment banking. I went off, got my business degree.

So I was on that track and then I switched the track to focus on relationship science. And then in the process of switching, I had an opportunity to work for two incredible people, two billionaires. So on the finance side, it was a gentleman by the name of Enver Yücel, who's a billionaire out of Turkey and owns the largest for-profit education company in the world. And then when I switched into relationship science, I had an opportunity of working for Oprah Winfrey, right? And so these were two billionaires, and I say billionaires, I underscore that because they were two entirely different people, different characteristics, different setups at home, but yet they had the same behaviors. And I started to write about those behaviors. And by writing about those behaviors, I ended up becoming a journalist for USA Today. My wife and I launched what was considered to be the largest matchmaking business in the United States. And then we sold that in 2017 And that's what ended up allowing us to come to the UK. But the heart of what I do is I'm the world's biggest nerd when it comes to relationship science. I wake up every morning, I'm reading some bit of research, I'm going to sleep every night, falling asleep on some lecture around relationship science. I think it's one of the most undervalued areas and the decisions that we make around relationships are have dramatic, dramatic impact on how we show up, what happens in our lives, what happens to the lives of those around us, and what happens to the lives who come after us, our children. So these are very important decisions and I think that's the reason why it occupies so much of my thought.