PARENT PANEL: I Am Sending Fake Texts To My Daughter From Her Estranged Dad

Amanda (0:00)

Hi, I'm Amanda from Glen Burnie.

I want to know if I'm a bad mom for texting my daughter, pretending to be her dad, so she doesn't think that he actually forgot about her. Oh.

Jessica (0:12)

You're the worst mom ever! You ruined my life.

SPEAKER_3 (0:17)

That's probably not true.

Kramer (0:19)

It's The Kramer Show Parent Panel, mix 1065

Well, welcome to the Parent Panel, everybody. If you have, if you've never done one of these with us before, this is where parents reach out to us when their parenting has been in question. And then you guys get to, we'll put a parent panel together of you guys, and then you can decide if, if what they did was, was right or wrong. What do you mean secretly? What does that mean?

Amanda (0:44)

Well, her dad just doesn't call. He doesn't visit. And he hasn't really been involved since she was about six.

Kramer (0:51)

Okay.

Amanda (0:51)

And she's 13 now.

When she was younger, I could distract her, you know, she's older now. And she started asking, he doesn't call. Why doesn't he even wish me a happy birthday?

SPEAKER_3 (1:02)

Oh, Howard, that's tough, yeah.

Amanda (1:04)

And she asked me once, does he even remember when my birthday is? And that just broke my heart, you know? So about two years ago, I created this second phone number and I sent her a text on her birthday pretending to be her dad. And I said something like, happy birthday, sweetheart, I love you. And I'm thinking about you today.

And she was so excited, you guys. She came running over to me.

SPEAKER_3 (1:28)

That's really sweet.

Kramer (1:29)

I mean, kind of.

Jessica (1:30)

I mean, yeah, but I know.

SPEAKER_3 (1:32)

If it was real. I know.

Kramer (1:34)

If it was real, it would be. But, yo, where's dad? That's not dad, y'all. Don't forget, that's not actually dad.

Amanda (1:40)

I know. And I thought it was going to be a one time thing, but then Christmas rolled around.

Kramer (1:44)

No, but every holiday, are you like, what's up? Like a happy flag day? Like, what's up?

Amanda (1:49)

Happy Harbor Day. I don't know about the holidays, but I mean, birthday messages, holidays, and then whenever there's something at school, she's under the impression that I've told him.

Kramer (2:02)

And so, oh my god, we got it.

Amanda (2:05)

And she tells him things, him I say, but she's gonna say you, tell them things via text that she would never share with me. And I respond as her dad.

SPEAKER_3 (2:15)

Oh, wait, so this is like a thing.

Kramer (2:17)

So she like, so this is like a whole conversation. Like she'll like talk to him. It's not just holidays.

Amanda (2:22)

Yeah, she really looks forward to texting with him. And she wants to meet up with him.

SPEAKER_3 (2:27)

I was gonna say, so what do you? I recently asked about that.

Kramer (2:29)

What do you say then? What do you say when she's like, hey, where are you? Like, where the hell have you been my whole life? Like, what's the story?

Amanda (2:35)

I don't think she's, you know, she's only 13 I don't think she's bold enough to.

Kramer (2:39)

Oh, so she just expects him not to be there.

Amanda (2:41)

Ask him. She asks me, why can't I see him? She goes, come on. He's not ready yet.

Kramer (2:47)

OK, damn.

Amanda (2:48)

He's working, you know, the usual excuses that people use.

Kramer (2:52)

Oh, my.

Amanda (2:53)

My sister thinks I'm a terrible mom. Oh, no. Well, I can't do it forever, but that's true.

SPEAKER_3 (2:59)

Well, you have to pull the plug at some point.

Amanda (3:01)

He's going to lose him all over again. No.

Kramer (3:04)

And well, yeah, right. Because now she thinks that this is dad and he's not even real. It's you. So what you want? You want to keep this going?

Amanda (3:12)

I mean, I can't do it forever. But if she finds out I lied, that's even worse.

Cathra (3:16)

So I don't know what my out is.

Kramer (3:18)

Clearly dad has to die.

SPEAKER_3 (3:21)

Oh, no.

Kramer (3:24)

Dad has to die. I mean, that's the only solution we have here. Like, unfortunately, dad passed away. And I hate to see that. That's really bad news. RIP dad.

No, but you think this is doing more good than bad right now. You think it's good for her to have this faux relationship with dad.

Amanda (3:41)

Oh, yeah, absolutely. Before, she felt so abandoned, and now she feels like she has a dad in her life. She's a different kid now.