Nish Kumar (Tasting Menu – Live at the Royal Albert Hall)

**Ed Gamble** (0:13)
It's the Off Menu Podcast bonus live Royal Albert Hall episode, James.

**James Acaster** (0:17)
Bonus.

**Ed Gamble** (0:18)
It's a bonus. It's the final Royal Albert Hall show.

**James Acaster** (0:21)
It's the final one. I mean, we thought it would never end. The longest stretch in history that anyone's ever done at Royal Albert Hall, I think. But, you know, it was a pleasure to go on that journey with you, Ed.

**Ed Gamble** (0:32)
Yes, you too, mate.

**James Acaster** (0:33)
And our final guest, of course, was Nish Kumar.

**Ed Gamble** (0:38)
A Nish called Wanda.

**James Acaster** (0:39)
A Nish called Wanda, of course. Look, a fan favourite returning, getting the menu of another fan favourite, aka a Tasting Menu.
And on the, you know, the naughtiest boy, I guess. You don't want to start with Nish. You kind of do have to, it has to be, it's last day of school vibes, isn't it?

**Ed Gamble** (0:57)
When Nish comes in.

**James Acaster** (0:57)
So like, you know, we knew that that was the energy you'd bring.

**Ed Gamble** (1:02)
Yes.

**James Acaster** (1:02)
Sometimes we might refer to the first half and might not make sense. Sometimes I might refer to stuff that happened before the first half, just in our lives.

**Ed Gamble** (1:08)
Yeah. Nish is very naughty boy.
This is audio. So just for those of you listening, Nish was wearing a propeller hat and he had a pea shooter with him.

**James Acaster** (1:18)
Yes. And little shorts that only just went below his willy.

**Ed Gamble** (1:22)
Yeah.

**James Acaster** (1:22)
And knobbly knees and very naughty.

**Ed Gamble** (1:28)
So gross, the word willy.

**James Acaster** (1:30)
I hate the word willy.

**Ed Gamble** (1:31)
It's awful.

**James Acaster** (1:33)
I'd say that would end any romantic, what would the word be? Sex.
I was ever having with anyone would be if they said, now show me that willy. Yeah.

**Ed Gamble** (1:49)
Also for me, willy can only be used for soft.

**James Acaster** (1:52)
Yeah, definitely.

**Ed Gamble** (1:54)
Yeah.

**James Acaster** (1:55)
Yeah, I would not. I wouldn't want to hear it.

**Ed Gamble** (2:00)
I wouldn't want to hear it anyway.

**James Acaster** (2:01)
But anyway, but like, yeah, it doesn't work for hard. It wouldn't make me feel like a sexy guy if someone said, look at that willy.

**Ed Gamble** (2:08)
I'd be like, yeah, you may as well call it.

**James Acaster** (2:10)
I spent hours getting this hard.

**Ed Gamble** (2:12)
Spent hours on this.

**James Acaster** (2:13)
Spent hours getting as hard as a rock.

**Ed Gamble** (2:16)
I've got up early.

**James Acaster** (2:17)
Trying to get it hard for ages. You say it's still a willy.

**Ed Gamble** (2:21)
That's what we'll call it a dinkle at this point.

**James Acaster** (2:24)
My little, little pee pee. Yeah.

**Ed Gamble** (2:27)
Anyway, this is Nish Kumar at the Royal Albert Hall.

**James Acaster** (2:29)
Yep.

**Ed Gamble** (2:39)
It's Off Menu Live, baby!

**James Acaster** (2:41)
Second half, we're going to bring in our special guest. Very excited. Ed, kick the second half off, like only you can.

**Ed Gamble** (2:48)
Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast. And tonight, for one night only, it's a Morrison's Make Your Own Podcast Bar.
Taking the mango, so sorry, of conversation, adding to it a bowl of flour, of humour, and then pouring it all on top of the chode and the whole of conversation. It's the Off Menu Podcast, Tasting Menu!

**James Acaster** (3:19)
That is Ed Gamble, my name is James A. Kessler. Together we own a dream restaurant every single week. We invite the guests to ask them their favourite ever star and make us a side dish and drink, not in that order. And this week, on the Tasting Menu, please welcome Nish Kumar!
What have you made?

**Ed Gamble** (3:52)
What's this T-shirt that you've made?

**James Acaster** (3:53)
I've made my own T-shirt.

**Nish Kumar** (3:56)
I decided to make a special T-shirt to commemorate the day, but I wanted to make it like off-brand merch, like you see outside concerts, where people are selling them off tarpaulins. And so you can't be sued, it's all slightly changed. So it's Off The Menu Live.

**Ed Gamble** (4:14)
We can put it on the big screen, Nish.

**Nish Kumar** (4:16)
We've popped it on. It says, Egg Hamble and Ham's Alabasta with Nosh. And we're performing at the Prince Andrew Hall.
Shout out to Prince Andrew. Up there in the big jail in the sky. He's not a prince.

**Ed Gamble** (4:42)
Good point, thank you.

**Nish Kumar** (4:43)
Not the biggest problem with him.