NFL Week 1, Fastest 2 Minutes, Bills/Texans Thriller, Bears Drop A 50 Burger, Eagles vs Commanders Plus Who's Back Of The Week

Big Cat (0:00)

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music.

On today's Pardon My Take presented by DraftKings, it is week one in the NFL. We just watched 12 hours of football, and we're here to recap all of it. We're gonna start, as always, with fastest two minutes. It is back.

Then we're gonna recap every single game. We're gonna talk about every single game. We had Bill's Texans game that was phenomenal over time in Detroit after Tyler Shuck woke up. The Bears scored 59 points. The Commanders and Eagles played to a kind of exciting game towards the end. And we had the Giants announce that they might be back on Sunday Night Football. We're gonna talk about all of it. We're gonna also do Who's Back of the Week. And it is all brought to you by our friends at YouTube TV. Guys, the NFL season is finally here.

And if you're like me, your Sunday revolves entirely around making sure you don't miss a single snap of the action. Why limit yourself to one game on Sunday? You should be in total command, seeing every big play and every touchdown across the entire league right there on your big screen. But thank God for NFL Sunday Ticket and YouTube TV. It literally gets you every game every Sunday, plus features like multi view so you can watch up to four games at once. You can just lock in and watch the game unfold without missing a thing and get this for new users. It's just eight payments of $30 a month. Stop stressing out and go sign up right now at youtube.com/nflstnewuserspay $240 or eight non cancelable payments of $30 a month first charged at purchase. Availability varies with NFL Sunday Ticket for out of market games and YouTube TV for local national games. YouTube TV required terms and embargoes apply. Device and content restrictions apply to multi view. Commercial use excluded, no refunds.

PFT Commenter (2:00)

Okay, let's go.

Big Cat (2:27)

Welcome to Part of My Take, presented by DraftKings. The crown is yours. Today is Monday, September 14th, week one.

Memes (2:38)

What?

Rico Bosco (2:41)

Welcome back to the 2026 NFL League year.

Big Cat (2:47)

Huh? Huh, some spread.

We start in the Queen City, where Ben Johnson was king, as Caleb Robin Williams said, It's not your fault if you doubt this fire, but you'll end up looking like Patch Adams with a clown nose. It came from all angles, as DeAndre Taylor-Swift said, I've felt a hole like this never before and ever since. She was talking about some stupid breakup chick shit, TJ.

Rico Bosco (3:13)

DeAndre was talking about 124 yards and three touchdowns.

Big Cat (3:17)

Even Kyle, now here's a manunguy, got in on the action rushing for 100 yards, as the Carolina defense looked like a bunch of pussy cats all afternoon. It wasn't all bad for the Panthers, though, as Bryce, forever young, I wanna be forever young, played fast and had a good business plan utilizing Coker multiple times in the afternoon, like they were playing a little pitch and catch in the Penn State Delta Upsilon backyard.

Rico Bosco (3:42)

You mean State Finboom? State Penn!

Big Cat (3:44)

In the summer of burgers, it was the Bears posting one of their own. Bears, 59, Panthers, 37, what, what?

Rico Bosco (3:53)

We go up to Detroit, Michigan, where Jared Kushner Goff was trying to negotiate the reopening of the Strait of Mordukes, as all the fellas were calling out, mine, mine, mine, every time the ball was in the air, and Gibbs was saying, I ran for 156 yards and two touchdowns. The Lions pass catchers of St. Brown, Laporta and Jamison had the St. Stephen's over a barrel, and if all that money spent on offense seems a little crude, just switch to the always electric Tesla.

Chase We Are Young had a lot of fun, period, but didn't count on Goff trying his very best to throw the fumble forward, ending up with the most productive sack ever, besides maybe my good friend Philip Rivers. The second half turned into a street fight, as Tyler Duck, if you struck, was out for blood with the rest of the crime mob. It was a ludicrous second half, with Saints tied in. I want to know what you're fat. A C scored a touchdown, and the Saints come marching back, forcing overtime. The Lions scored first, giving the Saints a chance to win with the ball, as they score a touchdown and go for two.

Incomplete, as Kellan in the name of Moore said, Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me. Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me. Some of those with fat asses are the same who drop passes as the Saints fall just short on the road. Lions win, 31-30, Saints don't go marching.