*NEW* Body Language Expert: When You Do This You Look like A Loser...(Sorry But You Do)! This Is The Real Reason You're Still Single!

Vanessa Van Edwards (0:00)

A lot of people do the sun dates, and it drives me crazy. Look, watch this.

Steven Bartlett (0:04)

Vanessa, yesterday you and my team did some matchmaking.

Vanessa Van Edwards (0:07)

Yes.

SPEAKER_3 (0:08)

Okay.

Vanessa Van Edwards (0:08)

So we had the very first date, and I pre-coached the gentleman, and I was coaching the girls via an earpiece, and I was shocked by these dates.

Please don't do that. This is why we're having a baby crisis. I got angry after this date. Why? I was like, girl, we handed this guy to you on a silver platter. She was physically attracted to him, and I asked her, would you like to go out with him again? And she said to me, really? Yeah, yeah. And now we are missing opportunities for connection, the thing that's going to make us healthy, happy and live a long time.

SPEAKER_5 (0:39)

Vanessa Van Edwards has helped over 400,000 students crack the code on human behavior.

SPEAKER_6 (0:44)

Decoding universal body language and sharing science backed secrets for better dates.

SPEAKER_5 (0:49)

Smoother conversations and bigger career wins.

Steven Bartlett (0:51)

Vanessa Van Edwards, welcome back. The first place I want to start is, can we change who we are?

Vanessa Van Edwards (0:57)

They've actually researched this, and every person on planet Earth has these five personality traits. And they fall on a spectrum, high, medium or low. And they're somewhere between 42 to 57% heritable. For example, neuroticism, which is how you worry. And high neurotics, like me, produce less serotonin more slowly. Serotonin makes us feel calm. And so like, I am having far more negative experiences than the same person in the room, and that's genetic. But there is 30 to 40% potential for change. You want a better relationship, you want to raise, you want a promotion, you want more friends. And the good news is anyone can learn these cues and techniques. Such as decoding the seven universal micro-expressions we all do unconsciously, how to spot a liar, the number one mistake people make in a first impression, and how to become a master communicator. Can I teach them to you?

Steven Bartlett (1:40)

Please.

Vanessa Van Edwards (1:40)

Let's start with-

Steven Bartlett (1:46)

Vanessa Van Edwards, welcome back.

Vanessa Van Edwards (1:48)

Thank you for having me back.

Steven Bartlett (1:50)

How have you been?

Vanessa Van Edwards (1:50)

Oh my gosh. Your folks are so kind. Can I just say, since the last interview, the incredible people have reached out and just been supportive and kind. They ask amazing questions, and so I'm just so grateful. So I've been really good.

Steven Bartlett (2:06)

Just in case anybody doesn't know who you are and what you do, you're going to have to take me back. What is it you do and who are you?

Vanessa Van Edwards (2:11)

I'm a recovering awkward person, and I help other awkward folks learn how to communicate. I have books and courses, and I love helping very, very smart people share their ideas better.

Steven Bartlett (2:20)

Communicate online and in person?

Vanessa Van Edwards (2:23)

All of it. Slack, text, email, online, in person, on the phone. We can talk about vocal power, video power. You are communicating all the time, even if you don't realize it. And that's the hidden opportunity.

Steven Bartlett (2:33)

How important is it? Like how pivotal is it? And can it be for someone's life if they master the skill of communication, first impressions, and all the things that you educate us on so articulately?

Vanessa Van Edwards (2:44)

It will get you everything you want. You want a better relationship, you want a soulmate, you want a raise, you want a promotion, you want a business, you want more friends, you want a support system. It will even get you longevity. That's how strong I feel about it. If you have incredible relationships and you're able to communicate your ideas so people like you and they listen, your life changes.

Steven Bartlett (3:04)

But is it is it not genetic? You know, like are we set in our ways?

Vanessa Van Edwards (3:09)

Look, there are certain people born out the womb, charismatic, great hand gestures, great eyebrows, right out the womb. There are those very unique people. But most of us learn charisma. Most really, really charismatic leaders, they've learned, ah, this nonverbal cue gets people to smile. Oh, this vocal power, people pay attention and lean in. And they've accidentally or purposefully learned how to hone their charisma. And the good news is, I think anyone can learn it. Anyone, no matter how awkward you are. Believe me, I'm proof you can learn it.