My Life Fell Apart After 50: Lawrence Dallaglio Gets Brutally Honest (E436)

Lawrence Dallaglio (0:03)

I joined a rugby club because I needed a family. I needed someone just to put their arms around me and hold me. Nelson Mandela says, What has the power to change the world? He wasn't wrong. It changed my world in a way that I would never have imagined. Two things you can't measure are what's in your heart and what's in your head. Black and white for me, winning and losing, there's no in between. So I used to have this 75-25 rule. If you're not winning 75% of the time, then you're in the wrong job.

Jake Humphrey (0:29)

In recent years, you have faced grief, loss, financial pressures, huge personal change.

Lawrence Dallaglio (0:34)

What this last 24 months taught me is sometimes you need to put yourself first, Lawrence.

Jake Humphrey (0:46)

Well, Lawrence, welcome to High Performance. I was thinking of the best way to introduce this conversation, and I came down on the side of you are a man who knows how it feels to look indestructible, right? A World Cup winner, England captain, a man who built a career on belief, on leadership, on finding an emotional edge, on dealing with life when pressure was at the greatest.

But actually, I then was thinking, life in so many ways doesn't care what you've won. In recent years, you have faced grief, loss, financial pressures, huge personal change. I thought instead of sitting here and having a conversation with you about rugby, we should have a conversation framed by rugby. But really, I'd like it to be a conversation about what happens when even the strong person is the one that is struggling, how all of us deal with overwhelm, how we can rebuild self-belief when it's a challenge for us, whether sometimes the bravest thing that even the highest of high performers can do, is just to admit like I can't carry all of this on my own.

Does that sound okay?

Lawrence Dallaglio (1:44)

Yeah, sounds fine. Yeah, I mean, it's in many ways it's a, people might view it differently, but my life story is no different to a lot of other people's. It's full of ups and downs. Success is not an upward trajectory that just continues to rise and rise, like some sort of comet. It's, you know, there's going to be some changes in direction. And I've got to be honest with you, you know, I had, well, after a traumatic and seismic start with, you know, losing my sister, obviously quite early on in the life story, at the age of 16, she was 19 You know, that wasn't in the plan. But then after that, life has been, you know, yeah, of course, career is full of highs, lows, injuries, all sorts, personal battles, et cetera, et cetera. But I've had a pretty good run up to the age of about 50 And then, don't mention the f-word. And then, you know, things have obviously in the last couple of years unraveled a little bit. And you've got to take some responsibility for that. And I think part of me, you know, maybe it's in the DNA, maybe it's just something that you develop through playing sport. But, you know, the responsibility of the direction that life takes starts and ends with you. You know, I always remember the conversation about honesty. You know, the honest player looks in the mirror, you know, you've heard it many times and asks, well, what could I have done better? And whenever I've faced adversity or problems or setbacks or difficulties, whether they're, you know, personal, professional, mixture of both, I think the first place to look is at yourself. And naturally, in the last couple of years, you know, I've got divorced.

As a result of getting divorced, I was made bankrupt, so I had some financial problems.

And I probably was guilty of withdrawing back into, you know, my little shell and going a little bit into hibernation, because naturally, I'm quite a sort of extrovert, confident, bubbly individual, annoyingly confident sometimes. And I have to rein that in a little bit, because, you know, I appreciate other people don't share that enthusiasm for life all the time. But, and silence can often lead to belief when, you know, when you don't say very much. But I think, you know, for someone who says a lot all the time, it was probably no bad thing for me to just take what's happened on the chin a little bit and sit back and reflect. And as I said to you before, from my own experiences, the first place to start is with yourself. And of course, there's ultimately things that I could have done better. I mean, that's just a natural kind of sportsman's way of trying to solve problems. Right, what could I have done better? You know, before, you know, let's not blame everyone else. Let's start with yourself first. And then naturally, there's other people that come into the equation. And inevitably, what I didn't expect was so much of a period of such self-pity. I've been a little bit guilty of being a bit sort of, isn't life really unkind? And haven't I, you know, hasn't things worked out against me? Isn't it, is it all me or is it just bad timing? You know, I lost my father last year at the age of 91 as well. So definitely things have a bit like London buses have come definitely two or three at a time, but it's okay. I mean, I'm, I turned 54 last week on St. Lawrence's Day. That's why I was called Lawrence, obviously. I didn't find that out till I was about 15 He got roasted on a gridiron. It didn't work out so well for him, but I guess he was a saint, so it works out okay. So I'm now entering, as people call it, the second half of your life, aren't you know, really? I mean, everyone gets a bit depressed when they hit 50, but not really. I don't feel depressed in any way whatsoever. I feel blessed. You know, I've made lots of mistakes throughout my career. You know, I'd love to meet someone who hasn't made mistakes, both in their personal life or professionally or both. I think if you don't make mistakes, you're doing something wrong a little bit, really.