Most Replayed Moment: Your Thoughts Shape Your Reality! How To Rewrite Limiting Beliefs

Steven Bartlett (0:04)

I've been trying to figure out if we get to choose our beliefs. And I actually wrote about this in my book recently, and I feel like you're the person to ask this question, because I know that our lives are governed by these beliefs that we have about the world, ourselves and everything in between. But can we choose them?

Marisa Peer (0:21)

I think so. When I was here last time, you asked me about my childhood, which I don't talk about a lot. It wasn't awful, but it also wasn't amazing. But the beliefs I had then are so totally different to the beliefs I have now because I chose to give myself better beliefs. Because you know, you make your beliefs and then your beliefs turn right around and make you. And then confirmation bias means you look for proof of what you have chosen to believe and you'll find it. So if you say, oh, I hate cats, they're vicious things, they're scratchy, they're really aloof, or I don't like dogs, they're barky, yappy, horrible things. Then if you believe that about a dog and you meet a dog, you'll feel so anxious that that will become true. But if you say, oh, I love dogs, they're the most loyal, gorgeous, loving things, then you'll have a different energy around them. So you should choose your beliefs. You should constantly upgrade, update, question your belief. Where did I get that from? Is that true? Who told me that belief? And even if it's true for them, does it have to be true for me? You know, I see a lot of women who say things like, well, you know, if you're really famous and rich, you'll never find a guy because a hundred years ago, that was probably true.

Men didn't go for rich, successful women because they wanted them at home, but it's not true now. So your grandmother's belief is not your belief. I love my daughter's generation who don't do body shaming or fat shaming and have a whole different language, but I think it's so refreshing. So you can always choose your beliefs and you really should constantly check, why do I even believe that? Is it even true? Because so often it's not true at all. It's just something you've been taught or you've just gone along with it anyway.

Steven Bartlett (1:57)

So in the case of cats then, I like all animals, but cats, I do think the way you described them, they're a little bit scratchy, sometimes a little bit annoying, not as loving as dogs, maybe I'm going to annoy a lot of cat people here.

If that is my belief, if I say to myself, okay, cats are wonderful, they're lovely, they're fantastic, they don't scratch, etc. I feel like I'm just lying to myself. This is the case with self-belief as well. I could say that I'm amazing and attractive and all these things, but in my subconscious mind, after getting, I don't know, bullied at seven years old by a kid that called me fat and whatever else, am I just not lying to myself?

Marisa Peer (2:36)

Well, I think you should lie to yourself. I think you should lie to yourself. I think you should lie, cheat and steal every day of your life. Lie to your mind, cheat fear and steal back the confidence you were born with. So let's imagine you're going for an exam, you go, I'm going to fail it, I'm going to mess it up, I got a terrible memory, I know when I read that paper, my mind's going to go blank and I'm going to blow it. So that's a belief, but you could also say, I've got a great memory, everything I studied for this exam is in my head, when I read the paper, the questions are going to come up and I'm going to remember the answers and I'm super chilled at exams, I'm cool, calm, collected, I'm going to ace this exam. So if you repeat that over and over again, you see the subconscious doesn't think it just feels. And if you say, I'm nervous, I'm so nervous, and the subconscious feels that, then when you're nervous, the mind shuts down while the blood rushes to your heart and your mind empties. It's like, if you're crossing a road in a car, can you think, should I go left, right, forwards, backwards? You just move because in fear, you don't think you move. So when you're scared, your mind empties. I remember years ago, I was coming home and this guy was following me and I knew he was following me and I knew I had minutes to get in my door and I couldn't get the key and I couldn't remember which way to go. I'm like, oh my God, I have all the times to forget how this key works. I lived here for five years, but I was so scared. I couldn't remember how to open my door at all because when you're scared, your brain empties. So if you go into an exam going, I'm scared, I'm nervous, you won't do well, but if you say, I got a great memory, I love exams, I'm excited about this exam, I'm so excited, I'm going to be assessed, I'm going to do really well or I'm going to this assessment, I'm going to ace it. This person is going to love me and see that I'm so smart and my answers will show them that I know what I'm talking about. The mind doesn't go, oh, come on, that's silly. The mind goes, okay, whatever you say, you make it real. Your mind's job is to make your thoughts real. The subconscious doesn't think, it only feels. And if your mind's job is to make your thoughts real, then your job is to think better thoughts all the time. So imagine you're going to have a needle stuck in your arm.