Most Replayed Moment: What Women Really Want In A Man! Don’t Do This On A First Date!

Steven Bartlett (0:00)

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Orion Taraban (1:30)

I've asked that question to so many women in my life, and I've never gotten a good answer, because that's almost always the response, is I want a kind man, I want a man who is, I feel safe with, I want a man who is loving. And usually the guy in question is listening to that and be like, well, what the fuck's the problem? It's like, I'm kind of shit, like I don't get it. Like, I need to be kinder and they start to lean into that even more. And I don't think that these women are necessarily lying to these men, but they're leaving out the most important part. One of my most popular YouTube videos is the part that women always leave out that speaks exactly to this problem, which is that women do want those things that they list off when men ask them that question. They just want them from the men that they're attracted to. They want the men they're attracted to, to be kind and to be loving and to be generous and to make them feel safe. But it's not like being kind and generous and making women feel safe is going to lead them to feeling attracted to you. And that's the part that women leave out and men in their, let's say, naive but good hearted intention to give women what they want and to be a better mate for them, they just totally lose out on. So it's better to be attractive, like if you want to be good at the game of mating and dating, you have an easier time, the more attractive that you present yourself.

You get more opportunities for selection, you get more beneficial arrangements in the negotiation process, and it's easier to maintain your relationship in the long run against your intersexual competition as well. So, there's all kinds of privileges and benefits to being attractive, and everyone can be more attractive than they currently are.

Steven Bartlett (3:24)

What do men need to do to be more attractive?

Orion Taraban (3:27)

I think they can learn to dress better. I think that they can take care of their physical fitness. For some men, it's as basic as hygiene. You know what I'm saying? I think it's also really important to learn how to talk. The most vulnerable organ in a woman to seduction is her mind, is her brain. Like you, that is her biggest erogenous zone. And if you can learn to talk to a woman in a way that women will listen and respond to, you'll be able to do all kinds of things and have all kinds of relationships.

Steven Bartlett (4:03)

What do I need to say?

Orion Taraban (4:05)

Well, it's not a script, right?

So one of the, it's a lot about vibing. Like female, feminine communication, let's put it that way. Feminine communication is very different from masculine communication. I'm not saying, I'm saying away from men and women because obviously men and women can do both. But masculine communication is about the conveyance of information using semantic words. I know that the message has been received. If you can more or less summarize that message back to me, it's like, I understood the content of what you said, transmission complete, right? Feminine communication is very different. It's more like emotional resonance. And communication has been received when I can succeed in provoking in you a comparable or analogous emotional experience, the one that I went through or I'm currently in. You can think of it like tuning forks. One of them is vibrating. If you bring another one up to it, it will start vibrating at the same frequency as well. And that's when you know that the communication has been received. And that's really important for men to understand, because that leads to a lot of disagreements and arguments between men and women in their long-term relationships, where sometimes women are attempting to get men to feel the way that they currently feel. But men are paying attention to what they're actually saying. And they're saying, why are you bringing this up now? Or that's not factually accurate. I don't understand. And it's because of this failure of intersexual understanding. The woman is trying to provoke in the man the emotional state so that he can understand, like in his bones, what it feels like to have been her in that moment. But the men are just paying, some men are just so literal. They're so functionally fixed on the semantic content of language. And the truth is that words are both. Words always have this defined semantic meaning, but they also are in different containers of emotion. Like every word can be said with any different emotional content possible. You can say the word please seductively. You can say the word please threateningly. You can say the word please pathetically. I mean, that's what actors do, right? They invest this script, which are just words on a page with emotional content. And that's what makes their performance enchanting. If you can do both, if you can be very particular with your words and you can invest it with some degree of emotional content, you can be a very charismatic communicator.