Most Replayed Moment: How To Be Charismatic and Gain the Edge in Any Room - Charlie Houpert

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Charlie Houpert (0:34)

Number 6 We've said this one before I go first in humanizing the interaction.

Steven Bartlett (0:39)

Humanizing the interaction.

Charlie Houpert (0:40)

Yes, which is to say, whenever you're with a group of people, there is an expected social norm, right? And it is usually less than people wish that it was. It's the thing that you described earlier is, I wish that my employees would get to what's really going on. And it's the ability to be the first one, like I told the story about my brother, to crack the joke about the dragon name tag, right? And that made everybody in the event funnier. Now they don't want to crack jokes, and they don't want to be playful. It's the ability to give a compliment first. Sometimes people are afraid that it will disrupt their status if they're too complimentary. And we did talk about how at the beginning of an interaction, it's useful to establish fun, trust and respect, but then feel free to pour it on, right?

Compliments and then vulnerability, right? Going first, sharing the vulnerable thing. There's a fine line, of course, between trauma-dumping and just outpouring without checking if the other person is with you and wanting to go there with you. But yeah, to dive into the thing that is unsettled in you or that hurts or that you're working on and you're not sure about, man, when you go there first, it's like the room transforms around that. It's like everyone's like, oh, me too. Yeah, I'm also struggling. Yeah, I also wish we could laugh more. Yeah, I also am really, I love that person's sense of style, but didn't want to be weird and say so. So when you go first in humanizing the interaction, it is the essence of leadership.

Steven Bartlett (2:08)

Sharing your imperfections. I saw this in one of your videos. That's kind of what you're talking about there, right? It's been willing to show the chinks in your own armor.

Charlie Houpert (2:18)

Yes, it is.

I think a lot of people like me have an idea that Charisma is looking like someone else that they admire. It is, and they don't know that person's internal dialogue, right? They don't know all the internal questionings going on side of them. And when instead you can start with where you are, which so people will ask me, how do I deal with anxiety? And one of the things that I've said, and I've done it a handful of times on this podcast, is speak to it. Like, I felt nervous when I was coming in here. Like, if the thing comes up inside of you and it feels like you can't say it, give it a risk. Say it. It often creates a depth of connection that you wouldn't be anticipating.

Steven Bartlett (2:59)

What about humor? Being funny?

Charlie Houpert (3:01)

Being funny? So, we haven't talked about this, but there's, I think about charismatic types of people. The five types that I think of are high conviction, authentic, funny, empathetic and energetic. And so basically, high conviction are people that, they're that belief storm that when they encounter you, they just win. That's Conor McGregor. Like, he's 19 years old, pimple-faced guy saying he's going to be a champion of the world without a waiver in his eye. Steve Jobs, the story of Mike Scully, who was one of his chief officers who came and worked for him. I don't know if you're familiar with it. Do you know what he said to him?

Steven Bartlett (3:34)

What did he say?

Charlie Houpert (3:35)

So, they're having a meeting and Scully's not going to join. And he says, do you want to sell, want to sell flavored sugar for the rest of your life, or do you want to come with me and change the world?

Steven Bartlett (3:45)

And Scully was at Pepsi at the time?

Charlie Houpert (3:47)

Yeah, he was at Pepsi. And so he says, ugh. That's big, big, big Dickhennedy. And there's this belief that I'm going to change the world and this solidness behind it. That's high conviction. Donald Trump is high conviction, right? When he loses election, he doesn't lose elections, right?