Most Good Communication Is Actually Two People Being Safe Enough to Be Wrong Out Loud

**Matthew Gottesman** (0:02)
Welcome to The Niche Is You. My name is Matt Gottesman, at Matt Gottesman on Instagram, and this is my daily podcast where I create short, quick hitting episodes to help you uncomplicate life, creativity, and the pursuit of your highest self. There's only main character energy here. Now let's get into it.
Welcome to episode 809, Most Good Communication Is Actually Two People Being Safe Enough To Be Wrong Out Loud. Most Good Communication Is Actually Two People Being Safe Enough To Be Wrong Out Loud. I was having a great conversation with my team when we were doing some videos in the studio. And it was great. The producer, he's like an unbelievable talent when it comes to video and lighting and all those things. And, you know, we've been, I've known him for years now, and the three of us have been working together for probably about eight months. And he said something that was really cool. He said, I, the thing is, he's like, I know that I can say anything in front of you guys, whether I'm right, whether I'm wrong, or I'm learning something, or, you know, I'm processing something, I don't hold back. He's like, you won't love me any less if I'm wrong. You already know who I am. You already understand who I am. And I was like, yeah, that's true. And he goes, which came in time. He's like, you know, you learn, you connect, and you feel the safety of the people that you're in front of to say the things out loud. Sometimes say the things that maybe, you know, you can't necessarily just say to society, you know, because maybe you don't even know. He's like, and most of us, you know, we're always toggling back and forth between something we know is right and maybe something we don't know is right. Maybe we're wrong, you know? And he's like, isn't it great to be in an environment where you feel safe even when you're wrong? And I was like, yeah, most good communication is actually to people being safe enough to be wrong out loud. Meaning, I'm not going to abandon you just because you're working through a thought or you have a thought or you're wanting to say the thing, or maybe you're dealing with a fear. We see that a lot of times too, and we can now move this to like modern relationships, just in relationships in general. It's like men and women, I think, fundamentally want to say the things to each other. It's just that, do they feel safe enough to say the thing without judgment, without all of a sudden somebody changing course just because they're sharing something? Now, obviously, I mean, there's a range. Maybe it's, of course, it's needed to be changed because maybe the relationship is no longer, whatever it might be. But the point being is that we're talking about more of the longevity and intimacy of a relationship deepening because of honest, good communication. And the quality of your conversations depends on the safety in the room, not the skill of the speaker. Listen, I have a lot of grace. If someone's wrong, I'm like, okay, I think I get where you're trying to go. And even if you made that mistake, I get it. Can you provide that safety so that person can be vulnerable with you and work through something or be going through something hard and wanting to share it and not be judged for it? So in this episode, I want to talk about why what we call good communication is less about technique and more about safety. And by the way, also, I tell the fellas this all the time, women are so in tune, they're so intuitive. And so you'll know if a man isn't saying the actual thing. And it's funny because you'll know better than we do sometimes. I had to learn to really be in my clarity, to really be in like, what am I actually feeling? And am I saying what I'm actually feeling and being versus something else, right? And that's why women can have a feeling, and it's like, hmm, what do you feel? I want to know. And so I'll take a moment to actually tap in to like, am I making sure I'm coming from alignment, right?
And am I really saying the thing? And the best part is I've noticed that the best people receive you for the honest thing you want to say. And don't we all feel more settled in our system when each of us are saying what's really going on for us? And if we don't, that's a problem, because we should feel better about somebody telling the truth, even if it's not what we want to hear, right? I was wondering about how most communication breakdowns are in skill problems or safety problems. By being wrong out loud in front of someone is one of the deepest forms of intimacy. Listen, it's great when things are great. It's also great when things are wrong. Maybe one of the parties is wrong or both of you are wrong. It allows you to work on something together. That is called teamwork. That is called like championship level play. Like hey, like in this situation, let me also be in my humility. I was wondering about how safety and communication changes what people are willing to say and how quickly things resolve. Hmm, I hear what you're saying and I want to better understand. Okay. So that's where you were coming from. Got it. Okay, you know, doesn't maybe make it less of being wrong, but I understand what's going on with you, you know? And then, but here's a kicker. Both sides need to walk in humility.