Moment 162: The ONE Thing Stopping You From Reaching Your Full Potential!: Africa Brooke

Steven Bartlett (0:03)

Speaking of controversial topics, one of the things that's become surprisingly controversial over the last couple of years is, and probably for a little while longer, since the 17th century, is this idea of accountability, which to me seems like much of the antidote to self-sabotage is like taking personal responsibility for your life and your situation. I've heard you talk about this. I actually think this was one of your first videos that caught my attention, was you talking about taking responsibility in a fairly direct way. So tell me how taking responsibility, what that means to you, but how that helped you to rise out of that phase you had from 14 to 24

Africa Brooke (0:42)

Yeah. Oh, it was huge. It was huge and it had to be one of the first things that I did. Actually, as I think about this and speak out loud, I think what allowed me to get and stay sober that 8th and final time was taking personal responsibility. I think all of the other times I had wanted to place blame on a lot of things outside of me. So my dad would have been the easiest person because he was an alcoholic and because of his abuse and because of everything we experienced and because of the instability, because of coming to a new country, moving to a part of the UK where just me, my sister and Curtis are the only black kids, the adversity I experienced from that. So I think there were so many ways that I could externalize.

But I think the moment that I was able to say, okay, well, Africa, what part did you have to play in this? So you've experienced all of this adversity. What now? What fucking now? No one else can do it for you. And I think that helped me so much. And another thing that I had to do, which is a part of that responsibility and accountability, was making amends. So people that have followed the 12-step program, for example, will know that making amends is a huge part of it. I didn't follow the 12-step program.

Steven Bartlett (2:01)

What's the 12-step program?

Africa Brooke (2:02)

So 12-step is AA, essentially, Alcoholics Anonymous. You go through a process, a 12-step process of accountability, essentially. And one of those steps is making amends, is reaching out to the people that you've harmed, and making amends. And that's what I had to do. And I really did that. And there was a lot of shame. There was a lot of guilt. There were a lot of people that didn't want to hear it. But there were a lot of people that were very grateful that even after all of these years, I'm coming to them and acknowledging something that I did or played a part in. And only then could I actually move forward with my sobriety, knowing that I am responsible.

Yes, I've experienced a lot of adversity, but I am the one that gets to decide what now. So fast forward to finding ourselves in a culture where even just conversations around personal responsibility have been politicized. Because I've noticed they're labeled as right-wing. The moment you... Isn't that weird?

Steven Bartlett (3:02)

It's mad. It's mad.

Africa Brooke (3:05)

Isn't that crazy? The moment you say, you do realize there is a lot in your life that you can control. You're called a bigot.

Steven Bartlett (3:18)

I'm a puppet and I'm a victim. There's nothing I can control. It's that political party that did this.

Africa Brooke (3:24)

Yeah. And that, that is unfollowed, unfollowed.

Steven Bartlett (3:33)

It's fucking crazy.

Africa Brooke (3:34)

It's mad. And I think I've.

I speak to my family and my friends about all of these things quite a lot, actually. And because I'm still very much in touch with everyone back home in Zimbabwe, and because I have that perspective, when I compare to that part of the world, to the Western world, this just seems like a completely different world, like some kind of show. It can't be real, that people can get upset to know that there are things in your life that you can control. Yes, you might have experienced X, Y and Z, but you are responsible for how you move forward. Yes, there might be other components, maybe it is the system, maybe it is your familial environment, whatever the details might be, but there are also things within your control. The fact that people can label that as being bigoted, the moment you say, I just...

Steven Bartlett (4:28)

Wouldn't you want that to be the case? Wouldn't you want to have things that you can control? The thought of being powerless to my circumstances is the most terrifying thing in the world, you know? Being a... That's why I refer to it as a puppet, that someone else is pulling these strings.