Mike Lawrence + Artie Lange (Carolla Classics)

**Giovanni** (0:18)
Welcome to Carolla Classics, I'm your host, Superfan Giovanni, this is the podcast where we play the best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 17 years of the Adam Carolla Show. If you'd like to gain access to the ad-free archives of the Adam Carolla Show, the Adam and Dr. Drew Show and the newer podcast, Beat It Out, make sure to check out Adam Carolla's Substack, adamcarolla.substack.com. And if you'd like to request a clip for us to play here on Carolla Classics, make sure to emails classics.adamcarolla.com.
Let's get to the clips. Come up first, we have Adam Carolla Show 1114 with Mike Lawrence, live on stage from the Malfi, along with Alison Rosen and Bryan Bishop from 2013

**SPEAKER_2** (0:52)
Hello, and welcome to Pluto Phone. If you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, just stream it for free on Pluto TV, where all your blockbuster favorites are landing all summer long. Catch Anchorman, the legend of Ron Burgundy.

**Alison Rosen** (1:05)
Fantastic.

**SPEAKER_2** (1:06)
The Matrix trilogy.

**Alison Rosen** (1:07)
Welcome to the real world. Mean Girls.

**Bryan Bishop** (1:10)
Shut up.

**SPEAKER_2** (1:11)
Titanic.

**Bryan Bishop** (1:11)
I'm the king of the world.

**SPEAKER_2** (1:13)
And so much more. For Showtimes, press nothing. They're free 24 7

**SPEAKER_5** (1:18)
That is so fetch.

**SPEAKER_2** (1:19)
On Pluto TV. Stream now. Pay never.

**Adam Carolla** (1:22)
Comedian Mike Lawrence.

**Mike Lawrence** (1:23)
Hey, how's it going?

**Adam Carolla** (1:28)
Alison Rosen, of course.

**Bryan Bishop** (1:34)
Ball Bryan over there.

**Mike Lawrence** (1:40)
All right.

**Adam Carolla** (1:42)
Sorry, I need to hire someone to kill my dog. I wish you'd probably talk privately. As a matter of fact, just wink if that makes sense to you, and then we'll talk.
I walked into my kitchen today, and my nanny was cutting up six full breasts of Foster Farm's chicken, and I said, what are we eating for dinner? There's a ton of chicken here. I mean, high-end Foster Farm, skinless, boneless, pre-packaged, super high-end shit, and she said, oh, no, that's for Molly. And I said, what do you go with the Foster Farm shit for if you're going for Molly?

**SPEAKER_8** (2:21)
Maybe she notices the difference.

**Adam Carolla** (2:22)
Oh, my God.

**Mike Lawrence** (2:24)
Shouldn't she be making that for herself? She's probably not eating that high-quality of a chicken, the nanny.

**Adam Carolla** (2:29)
No, I won't allow her.

**SPEAKER_8** (2:30)
I know.

**Adam Carolla** (2:31)
I give her Marrow and Scraps. Great cop buddy team, by the way.

**SPEAKER_8** (2:37)
Wait, why is she there?

**Bryan Bishop** (2:39)
Scraps! Marrow, get in my office now!

**Adam Carolla** (2:43)
I got the mayor, the DA, and the city council up my ass after you guys shot up that gay parade.

**Mike Lawrence** (2:49)
Scraps, we just lost Mendoza. There was always a guy named Mendoza in those movies. Every time.

**Bryan Bishop** (2:55)
I'm gonna avenge his death.

**Mike Lawrence** (2:56)
Yeah, yeah.

**Bryan Bishop** (2:57)
Marrow.

**Mike Lawrence** (2:58)
Yeah.

**Adam Carolla** (2:58)
Gristle.

**Mike Lawrence** (2:59)
Danny Trejo is Scraps.

**Adam Carolla** (3:02)
Let's get Gristle in on this one. Yeah, so she's cutting, not only is she boiling the skinless, boneless, fucking foster farms pre-packaged, whenever individually packaged, when stuff is individually packaged. You know what I mean?

**SPEAKER_8** (3:21)
The most expensive.

**Adam Carolla** (3:22)
Yes, I buy things in what I call a chub pack. My underpants come in a bale of underpants, not one single tube.

**SPEAKER_8** (3:31)
Is it just sold by weight?

**Adam Carolla** (3:32)
Yes. I get a metric ton. I get a ream of underpants. Yeah, they come in with a pallet jack and the guy just weighs it, like the drug cartels would do with money. It would cost too much to count out every underpant.

**SPEAKER_10** (3:46)
That's a rich man, poor man, to buying one at a time of something, like the 99 cent store sells like individual rolls of toilet paper. It's always sad to see people buying individual rolls of toilet paper.

**Adam Carolla** (3:55)
Hold on, this is news to Mike August back there. Mike, people actually buy toilet paper.
We don't all just fucking steal it when we're in Denver, staying in condominiums. Sorry, it's a long story. I could fill you in on that one, Mike.
So she's cooking this and then as I'm leaving to come here tonight, I get the urgent instructions. It's been cooked, it's been minced, it's been down, made into like a fine powder. And then more chicken flavoring, chicken broth has been added to the mix. And this must be dumped on top of the already super expensive, high-end canned stuff that probably comes from Sweden in order to entice her to eat her din din.