MFM Minisode 510

Georgia Hardstark (0:06)

My Favorite Murder Hello, and welcome.

Karen Kilgariff (0:18)

To My Favorite Murder.

Georgia Hardstark (0:19)

That's Georgia Hardstark.

Karen Kilgariff (0:20)

That's Karen Kilgariff.

Georgia Hardstark (0:22)

And this is the mini-so?

Karen Kilgariff (0:23)

That's right, we don't have to say shit. We don't have to make anything up, just fucking read stories.

Georgia Hardstark (0:29)

It isn't fake that we can't remember how to do the correct intro for each individual. I was just like, as I was saying your name, I'm like, no.

Karen Kilgariff (0:38)

Not a bit.

Georgia Hardstark (0:39)

It isn't a bit.

Karen Kilgariff (0:40)

It's a bit like we have perimenopause.

Georgia Hardstark (0:44)

It's the easiest thing to remember, the thing you've been doing for 10 years.

Karen Kilgariff (0:49)

And yet.

Georgia Hardstark (0:50)

And yet, no.

Karen Kilgariff (0:51)

You go first.

Georgia Hardstark (0:52)

The brain says, no, no, no. No, no.

Karen Kilgariff (0:54)

No, no, no.

Georgia Hardstark (0:55)

Okay.

Karen Kilgariff (0:56)

What's that mean? No, no, no, no.

Georgia Hardstark (0:58)

No. Yes.

No, no, no, no.

Well, I'm going to kick this off with a TJ Maxx horror story. Boom. Let's all talk about what we like. This email begins, Oh hey, in high school, I worked at TJ Maxx as a sales associate and in the stockroom, unloading new arrivals off the trucks. One unforgettable shipment came in the form of hundreds of boxes of olive oil. There had obviously been a mix up and our location was sent an ungodly amount of the same extra large boxes of said olive oil. I kid you not, the back room was overflowing with the stuff. The back room at TJ Maxx where they have literally everything.

Karen Kilgariff (1:42)

It's enormous, I bet.

Georgia Hardstark (1:44)

Now they're like majority olive oil. In order to get rid of this stock as fast as possible, one of the other employees was tasked with creating an olive oil end cap.

Karen Kilgariff (1:55)

Fun.

Georgia Hardstark (1:56)

Highlighting the latest and greatest fashionista find, olive oil.

Karen Kilgariff (2:00)

Wait, is TJ Maxx mostly clothes?

Georgia Hardstark (2:03)

TJ Maxx is everything. So you've got, yes, I would say three quarters in the center. Exactly. But then on the outside, that's when you get into your beauty area, lots of Korean skin care.

Karen Kilgariff (2:14)

So home goods or no? Like home goods? Okay, got it.

Georgia Hardstark (2:17)

And sometimes wonderful, all-clad pan style home goods where you're like, holy shit.

Karen Kilgariff (2:22)

I've never lived near TJ Maxx in my life, so I've never really gone to them, but I like the style of store.

Georgia Hardstark (2:29)

Yes. It's also a partnership with home goods. These are not endorsements. No, this is not an endorsement. My life is an endorsement of all these places, but I actually realized I was picturing a Marshalls and describing a TJ Maxx. So I don't know if we're in family, out of family. We have olive oil, we know that. Here's what's important.

They're the largest exporter of olive oil, second to Tuscany. So I was helping a customer check out when chaos erupted from the back of the store.

After the loudest crash I've ever heard, you could start to hear glass shattering left and right. Soon the sound of glass was met with the sound of frantic screaming. I raced to the back of the store only to witness the greatest horror I've ever seen. The employee making the end cap had filled the fragile glass shelves with hundreds of extra large olive oil bottles. Buckling under the sheer weight of this load, the top glass shelf gave way, cascading down into the four other glass shelves below.

Karen Kilgariff (3:30)

It's like a champagne fountain but with fucking glass and olive oil.

Georgia Hardstark (3:34)

If the champagne fountain exploded and then congealed, the shelves below contained, you guessed it, even more olive oil. What was left was an ocean of broken glass and slow creeping golden liquid oozing its way across the store and lowering everyone's cholesterol level. On the way. Employees and customers were left frantically fleeing from the spreading viscous goop after several minutes of panic and an urgent closure of the store. Store's closed now. Oh yeah, absolutely. Shut it down.

And then here's me squatting in the Korean skincare section.

Karen Kilgariff (4:09)

I refuse to leave.

Georgia Hardstark (4:10)

There's three things I haven't had here.

After several minutes of panic and an urgent closure of the store, we were faced with a greater horror. Cleaning up gallons of olive oil off the floor, most of which had spread quite a far away from the initial disaster point and underneath several aisles of shelving. In total, the cleanup lasted well over six hours with the help of 10 employees and managers. To this day, the sound of this tragic event still haunts my dreams, stay sexy and be nice to store associates. They don't make enough for this shit. Nope. And that's from Bryant.