MFM Minisode 499

Karen Kilgariff (0:06)

My Favorite Murder Hello, and welcome to My Favorite Murder.

Georgia Hardstark (0:18)

The mini-sode.

Karen Kilgariff (0:19)

We read you your stories and what?

Georgia Hardstark (0:24)

And have summertime fun.

Karen Kilgariff (0:26)

Yay, you go first.

Georgia Hardstark (0:27)

That really got serious for a second. Okay, this is a good way to kick this off.

Karen Kilgariff (0:32)

Yeah.

Georgia Hardstark (0:35)

The subject line of this email is The Where Pig. I grew up on a farm. We just get right into it. There's not even a hello.

Karen Kilgariff (0:41)

Good.

Georgia Hardstark (0:42)

I grew up on a farm in rural North Georgia. Think big pastures broken up by dense forests of pine trees.

Well, during the summer and after school most days, my eight cousins and I would be kept by my sweet grandmother, who instead of having eight elementary school children in her house from 2.3 to 8 p.m. would kick us out to play outside. Now this was in the early 2000s, so she could have just plopped us in front of the TV with some SpongeBob and a popsicle and called it a day, but we're glad she didn't let us rot our brains. Instead, yeah, she didn't want you in the house. Instead, we would go play outside in the woods and the cow pastures until the sun went down. And boy, do I have stories about being chased by bulls, physically attacked by a black swan, and falling into literal quicksand of cow shit.

Because she couldn't keep a close eye on us, she called in the help of the werepig. The werepig was a werewolf-like pig that lived in the woods and would watch us to make sure that we were being good, and if we were bad, would eat us, just like he did the neighbor kid.

Karen Kilgariff (1:43)

A threat with an imaginary like beast.

Georgia Hardstark (1:47)

Crypto, crypto, cryptoid.

Karen Kilgariff (1:49)

That's killed before.

Georgia Hardstark (1:50)

That's killed children before. And then it says, this might sound bad, but what's worse is all of our parents, my five uncles and my dad adopted the werepig to do their bidding.

Karen Kilgariff (2:00)

The whole family's in on it.

Georgia Hardstark (2:03)

When we were on our early teens, one of my uncles actually dressed up like the werepig and scared the shit out of us while we were playing Flashlight Tag in the woods.

Karen Kilgariff (2:11)

Oh, I would pay a lot for that video.

Georgia Hardstark (2:15)

The screaming, the sharp, the screaming and then the crying and then the, oh, come on.

It was after Thanksgiving. Needless to say, we were all traumatized by the werepig and kept a close eye on the woods. Years later, we were all joking at a family dinner and found out that our grandmother and our parents had a family meeting to discuss what to do about our behavior when we were kids. Thus, the werepig was born. That's how bad they were.

Karen Kilgariff (2:41)

It's like a cult, kind of.

Georgia Hardstark (2:43)

Here's the agreed lie. Tell the children.

Karen Kilgariff (2:46)

I think the movie Hereditary is based on that.

Georgia Hardstark (2:49)

It's a real by any means necessary way of raising children.

Karen Kilgariff (2:52)

It sounds like it works.

Georgia Hardstark (2:53)

I think so. And it says, stay sexy and watch out for the werepig, Maddie. Werepig.

And also, it's a pig that's watching you.

Karen Kilgariff (3:01)

Yeah.

Georgia Hardstark (3:02)

That's pretty creepy.

Karen Kilgariff (3:03)

And kills children.

Georgia Hardstark (3:04)

Most importantly. Just eat some right up.

Karen Kilgariff (3:06)

Kills children.

Georgia Hardstark (3:07)

Yeah. Did you like your bacon yesterday morning at breakfast? Well, now I'm here to eat you.

Revenge.

Karen Kilgariff (3:17)

Okay. Years later, My Confession. It's called. It's very funny.

And then I have to do this. What's up dudes and dudettes? First off, thank you both for everything you do. You've been my comfort podcast since the summer of 2016 when I was 15

Georgia Hardstark (3:36)

Wow.

Karen Kilgariff (3:36)

Now for my confession. In 2018, when I was 17, my grandmother passed away due to the long-term effects of smoking. That detail becomes important later. Our entire family gathered at her retirement community to celebrate her life. There were so many friends there, which honestly surprised me because, let's just say, grandma wasn't exactly known for her warm and fuzzy personality. Not with kids at least. After the celebration, the immediate family went back to her apartment to pack up her belongings. When my mom was cleaning, she suddenly held something up off the floor. What's this? My vape.