Master What’s in Your Control | AMA Vol. 20 w/ Dr. Michael Gervais

Michael Gervais (0:00)

I want to be a control freak. I want to control the things that I have the potential to master, and to do that in an uncommon way. Effort, intensity, focus. If you get that stuff right, winning will take care of itself.

Welcome back or welcome to another Ask Me Anything on Finding Mastery. I'm your host, Dr. Michael Gervais, by trade and training a high-performance psychologist.

And the purpose behind these conversations, behind these AMAs is to hear from you, to explore the topics and questions that you've been wrestling with on your journey to become. And so we're back with our co-host, O'Neill Sespedes. And today's conversation is a fun one. We explore the importance of accountability, how to use the power of your imagination, the art and impact of storytelling, navigating change in professional relationships, and so much more.

We love these conversations. And it's because we get to wrestle with the questions that matter most to you. And they inspire personal introspection in us as well. They're incredible. Thank you. Thank you for challenging us with great questions. Keep them coming. So with that, let's dive right into volume 20 of Finding Mastery's Ask Me Anything. O'Neill, AMA 20

O'Neil Cespedes (1:21)

Mike, AMA 20 Here we go. Let's get it.

You know, this is going to sound really cliche, but time flies when you're having fun.

Michael Gervais (1:33)

It's so good, though. You know, the favorite part about this is that the questions that come in are really challenging.

O'Neil Cespedes (1:39)

Oh.

Michael Gervais (1:40)

And so I've said this a hundred times.

You know, I'm always impressed by just how easily the questions drill right into the center, right into the heart of something. And so I know my anxiety is that I don't do service to the intelligence of our community.

O'Neil Cespedes (2:00)

So from where I'm sitting, I think you do because I feel it. I feel it because most of the time their questions bounce back on me.

Michael Gervais (2:09)

And then, you know what I thought last time is that you you took us in a different way.

We made it really personal. I asked you some questions and it was really intimate and personal and honest. And is that cool or is that not a good service of how we're doing what we're doing? Because I loved it, but I just want to make sure you're good with it.

O'Neil Cespedes (2:35)

I want to make sure I answer this the right way. It is. Let me be honest with you.

I like to think of myself as an open guy, right? And, you know, and a vulnerable guy, but I'm not. I've been lying to myself, right? And it's even more evident when I sit down and talk to you.

Michael Gervais (2:53)

I like to think of myself a certain way.

O'Neil Cespedes (2:55)

But I'm not. And you expose that.

And it's good for me. I don't like it when you expose me. I truly do not. But it's good for me and it's making me more vulnerable and open. And that's funny that you asked that. Let me tell you something. When I was driving home after I told you all that, I was thinking to myself like, man, damn, why you say that? Why you say all that? You should have said something different. But that was just the negative side of me telling me, no, go back in your, you know.

Michael Gervais (3:20)

Well, that's actually really common. More common that you might imagine is that when we are vulnerable and honest, that immediately after there's like, what did I just do? Right? Like, am I going to be okay in my own self? And what is he or she or what are they going to think of me later?

O'Neil Cespedes (3:39)

100%.

Michael Gervais (3:40)

Right. And so it's more about what they're going to think. Because when we were in it, and when we are in it, the honesty is apparent. And it just makes it so real that I feel like, oh, this is awesome. Like, we're both trying to learn something or articulate or get better at something.

And I don't have that secondary hit as much as I used to, but I recognize it as well.

O'Neil Cespedes (4:04)

Yeah. I mean, you know, there was that moment when I was thinking to myself, what did I do? What did I say? And then let me tell you how far I went because I go far, Mike, go really far. I dramatize it. Right.

I was playing out the scenes in my head of what people may have been saying or thinking like, well, he needs to be a, you need to mend things with your kids. You need to be a better dad. What's wrong? I was going through all like, man, are they saying this?