Mary Beth Barone: A Joke About Porn

Mary Beth Barone (0:06)

Are there any porn addicts here?

There's no straight guys here. Straight guys love porn. I was actually stuck in a conversation with a straight guy, so I just asked him, like, what type of porn do you watch? Because that's kind of the how did you get out of going to Vietnam of our generation. There's always a story there. And he told me he likes to go on Pornhub and type in hot girls, which I thought was pretty wholesome. Then he turned the question back to me. He asked me what type of porn I watch. I watch squirting porn. I love squirting porn. It's genre-bending. It's action. It's comedy. It's got a little something for everyone. Then he asked me a follow-up question, which I was pretty impressed. That's two questions. He said, do you think squirt is pee? And I was like, how do we not know? Could we get, like, one scientist to look into it for one day? When I was touring, I did this joke at a show, and this girl was like, it's pee. I know it's pee. And I was like, how? And she was like, I read this study. So I looked it up. It turns out Japanese scientists found five squirters. I didn't know five people could be a study. It turns out I've also done a study.

Japanese scientists found these five squirters, made them squirt, filmed it for some reason, and then they tested the squirt. And what they found was that it is pee, but it's not just pee. And the other stuff, they don't know what it is or where it comes from. So that was when I learned that squirting porn is also science fiction.

It's pretty cool. I was looking up with this guy for a few months who was really self-righteous about the fact that he didn't watch porn, and I was like, oh, so what do you do when you're jerking off? And he said, I like to go on Reddit and look at pictures of naked people having sex.

And I have the heart to tell him. Watch Mary Beth Barone and Galaxy Brain only on Netflix.