Mary Beth Barone: A Joke About Her Dad

Mary Beth Barone (0:06)

My dad died last year, which I'm still heartbroken over because I loved him so much. I was so proud that he was my dad. He was a surgeon, son of an immigrant from Italy, not like a real one. And I'm being told that because we had a great relationship and he died, I now get to be a psycho for one full year. That's a reward. When you have a bad relationship with your dad, you get to be a psycho your whole life. So I just get the one year, but I keep differing because I don't know what I want to do.

Drug habits are too easy. My slut years are behind me, and I didn't even need an excuse for that. So I'm looking for inspiration. I saw an ad. There was a woman. She had a tattoo right here. For one split second, I was like, maybe it's a pussy tattoo. Or I've been really compelled to comment on my ex's Instagram, you have no integrity.

Can you imagine if you saw that? An actor posts a carousel from a photo shoot. I'm in the comments. You have no integrity. No punctuation, no capitalization. It's not the British ex either. I can't tell you who it is, but I really want to. When you see the comment, you'll know. And then, my year of being a psycho has begun. So many bad men are still alive, but my dad had to die. Woody Allen is 90 JK. Rowling?

I hate his books.

They're so long. Joe Biden. That bag of bones outlived my dad. Do you know how many genocides my dad helped fund? Zero. Some of my friends still have their grandparents. I'm like, don't come to me with that shit. If your grandparent dies when you're in your 30s, you should be at work the next day.

You had enough time. Watch Mary Beth Barone, Galaxy Brain. Only on Netflix.