Martin Short Returns Again

SPEAKER_1 (0:00)

This message is brought to you by AppleCard. The fall season always brings its fair share of surprises, like the first snow, or a late night trip to the store for your kid's school project. No matter what the season brings, AppleCard's got you covered. You can earn 2% daily cash back when you use AppleCard with Apple Pay. Apply for AppleCard now and use in minutes with Apple Pay.

Subject to credit approval, AppleCard is issued by Goldman Sachs Bank USA, Salt Lake City branch. Terms and more at applecard.com.

Conan O'Brien (0:30)

Are you looking for something sweet and satisfying?

Sonam Avsesian (0:32)

Always.

Conan O'Brien (0:33)

Meet Wonderful Pistachios, Chocolate Sea Salt and Chocolate Toffee, your go-to treats. Each pistachio is thinly, not thickly, thinly dipped in dark chocolate antioxidant goodness.

Sonam Avsesian (0:46)

The way you said that, thinly and thickly was uncomfortable.

Conan O'Brien (0:49)

Yeah, because thinly is really nice. It doesn't overwhelm the pistachio. They know what they're doing. I'm so glad they made the right choice. Or discover Wonderful Pistachio's Dubai Chocolate, the sweet indulgence you didn't know you needed with rich dark chocolate, smooth white chocolate, crispy katayfi and a delicious crunchy pistachio. I'm telling you, snack time never tasted so good.

SPEAKER_1 (1:09)

Yeah.

Conan O'Brien (1:10)

Look it up in history. It never has.

SPEAKER_1 (1:13)

Never has.

Conan O'Brien (1:13)

Can you? Check out wonderfulpistachios.com to learn more about Wonderful Pistachio's chocolate products.

Martin Short (1:23)

My name is Martin Short. And I feel sexually excited about being Conan O'Brien's friend.

SPEAKER_5 (1:33)

Oh, you hit the nail on the head, buddy.

SPEAKER_1 (1:34)

Oh, phrase maker.

Conan O'Brien (1:58)

Hey there. Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend. And I am joined by my gang of goons. Sonamu Sesiyan, Matt Gourley. How y'all doing? Pretty good. How are you? Good. We're doing great. I just got back from Aspen.

I was in Aspen, Colorado, because I'm very proud my wife, Liza, who's a very good writer, wrote a play that was accepted at this festival in Aspen, Playwrights. And so they had different readings of different plays, and she did hers, and it was fantastic. Oh my God. It's called Ruthless, and very beautifully directed by Mimi O'Donnell, and this actor, Jodie Markell, is great. And I was thrilled. And what's interesting is that it was a bit of a role reversal, because often I've got this big show to do or something, and Liza will come by and check it out if she wants to.

But she doesn't always want to, and I don't blame her, because she's got a lot of other things to do. But I was the plus one. So she would be working on, in rehearsals with the director and with the actor, and they were all working really hard. And I was just wandering around by myself in Aspen. It's kind of deserted right now, because the season's over and the October season hasn't really kicked in yet for the leaves. So I was just wandering around by myself. I think three times I ran into a bear. Are you serious? I'm not kidding. I'm fascinated by bears. I love bears. I've always wanted to see a bear. The sad part is that there was not much rain in the mountains this year. So the bears are really hungry. If there's not as much snow and rain, and not a lot of snowpack, I guess there's less food for the bears. So they came down into Aspen, and they were queuing up at coffee shops. I mean, they were everywhere. But I did see twice, I saw, maybe even three times, that wasn't a bear.

That was some dude.

Sonam Avsesian (3:59)

Maybe he was a bear.

Conan O'Brien (4:00)

There we go. There you go. Yeah.

He heard there were bears in town, and he misunderstood.

Sonam Avsesian (4:08)

Do you get scared?

Conan O'Brien (4:09)

No, I don't. I should get scared, but I will go towards a bear, and I will admit now that is the wrong thing to do.

Matt Gourley (4:16)

You will go towards a bear?

Conan O'Brien (4:18)

I will. I guess if I was on a trail, and I saw a grizzly, I'd back up, but I have just terrible instincts in a situation like that, because I so love a bear, and I just want to tickle him and see what happens.

Sonam Avsesian (4:29)

I don't think he wants to tickle you.

Conan O'Brien (4:32)

Well, he did when he found out I was wearing my underwear bacon.

SPEAKER_1 (4:36)

No, I'm sorry. I said that backwards.

Martin Short (4:38)

My bacon underwear.

Conan O'Brien (4:39)

I just reversed it.