"Marcus Mumford"

**Sean Hayes** (0:06)
Is everybody keeping cool today? It's really hot outside.

**Jason Bateman** (0:09)
Super hot, sticky and sweaty.

**Sean Hayes** (0:10)
It's really hot. It's so hot. It's like, you just sweat looking at it.

**Will Forte** (0:14)
I'm just so hot right now.

**Jason Bateman** (0:17)
It's so gross. Hey, is there a back end to your fucking joke?

**Sean Hayes** (0:21)
No, I just wanted to say hi.

**Jason Bateman** (0:23)
Just want to say hi, it's hot outside? What kind of cold open is this?

**Sean Hayes** (0:27)
It's a hot open. Welcome to SmartLess.

**Will Forte** (0:48)
JB, I'm across the street from you.

**Jason Bateman** (0:50)
Yeah, no, I know. What do you mean? So wait, so you're up top, right?
All the way up top?

**Will Forte** (0:55)
I'm up top. Did you ask, what was the question?

**Jason Bateman** (0:57)
Sorry. Yeah.

**Will Forte** (0:58)
Okay.

**Jason Bateman** (0:59)
So I think I can see you, you can see me.

**Will Forte** (1:04)
I come from my window. I'm not in the window.

**Sean Hayes** (1:05)
Wait, are you being serious?

**Will Forte** (1:06)
You can see the, can you see the scaffolding?

**Jason Bateman** (1:07)
Yeah, what's going on up there? Are we doing some remodeling?

**Will Forte** (1:10)
Do you see like a black bag on the scaffolding that's blowing in the wind?

**Jason Bateman** (1:14)
No, because I'm on the south side of the building, the south side of your building.

**Will Forte** (1:19)
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. So on the south side of the building, way up there, there's like a little black bag.

**Jason Bateman** (1:24)
No, because the whole building is netted, so I don't see that.

**Will Forte** (1:26)
Oh, you don't see through the netting.

**Jason Bateman** (1:28)
No, I don't. Anywho, so we're neighbors. We've never lived closer to one another. Actually, no, that when you lived in my house with me and my wife.

**Will Forte** (1:37)
That was so fun.

**Jason Bateman** (1:39)
Why does my youngest daughter look so much like you?

**Will Forte** (1:41)
This is before the kids and the, God, your floors are so creaky. And I was just always like at night, I was just like, I didn't want to make a sound as I snuck around.

**Jason Bateman** (1:50)
Cigarettes. I was smoking back then too, though, wasn't I?

**Will Forte** (1:54)
You sure were.

**Jason Bateman** (1:56)
Hey, why is your hair so cut?

**Sean Hayes** (1:58)
Yeah.

**Will Forte** (1:58)
I just had a little trim ski.

**Jason Bateman** (2:00)
Is Eli with you right now?

**Will Forte** (2:02)
No, I didn't see Eli. I went to see my boy, my guy, Kevin Woon.

**Jason Bateman** (2:06)
Do you know about Kevin? Are you in a fight with Eli?

**Will Forte** (2:09)
No, no, no, I just haven't seen Eli.

**Jason Bateman** (2:11)
What happened to Eli in you?
I love Eli. Now, Sean also has a personal hairdresser.

**Will Forte** (2:19)
Sean, you've got a new person. Who's your person?

**Sean Hayes** (2:22)
Yeah, his name is Marco.

**Jason Bateman** (2:23)
Hey, hashtag relatable. You both have personal hairdressers?

**Sean Hayes** (2:27)
No, it's not personal.

**Will Forte** (2:29)
They're not full-time employment, you jerk.

**Jason Bateman** (2:31)
Kind of.

**Sean Hayes** (2:31)
Not on the payroll, no.

**Will Forte** (2:33)
Who cuts your hair?

**Jason Bateman** (2:34)
Whoever is heading the hair department on whatever project I'm working.

**Will Forte** (2:37)
That's such a lie.

**Jason Bateman** (2:39)
As a matter of fact, she just left the apartment. She is the key hair dresser on the show.

**Will Forte** (2:45)
And she came over to the house.

**Sean Hayes** (2:46)
Yeah, so that's personal.

**Will Forte** (2:47)
You're not even in the cast this time. You're the director, so she had to come to the director's house.

**Jason Bateman** (2:51)
I am doing that.

**Sean Hayes** (2:52)
So now who's highfalutin? That's so inking.

**Will Forte** (2:54)
Who's highfalutin?

**Jason Bateman** (2:57)
I'm doing one small scene, which qualifies as a pre-cut.

**Will Forte** (3:01)
His legs are broken, so he couldn't come to me, so I had to go to the director's apartment down in fancy part of Manhattan.

**Jason Bateman** (3:09)
Okay, so Sean, you're enjoying your new hairdresser?

**Sean Hayes** (3:13)
I am. He's really, really good. Marcus, yeah.

**Will Forte** (3:15)
So much so that you won't take your hat off.

**Jason Bateman** (3:17)
Yeah, take your hat off. Let's see what Marcus is doing to you.

**Sean Hayes** (3:20)
Well, it's just, you know, it looks like...

**Jason Bateman** (3:21)
Put that back on.

**Sean Hayes** (3:23)
Like Will said, I look like a page boy.