"Marcus Mumford"

Sean Hayes (0:06)

Is everybody keeping cool today? It's really hot outside.

Jason Bateman (0:09)

Super hot, sticky and sweaty.

Sean Hayes (0:10)

It's really hot. It's so hot. It's like, you just sweat looking at it.

Will Forte (0:14)

I'm just so hot right now.

Jason Bateman (0:17)

It's so gross. Hey, is there a back end to your fucking joke?

Sean Hayes (0:21)

No, I just wanted to say hi.

Jason Bateman (0:23)

Just want to say hi, it's hot outside? What kind of cold open is this?

Sean Hayes (0:27)

It's a hot open. Welcome to SmartLess.

Will Forte (0:48)

JB, I'm across the street from you.

Jason Bateman (0:50)

Yeah, no, I know. What do you mean? So wait, so you're up top, right?

All the way up top?

Will Forte (0:55)

I'm up top. Did you ask, what was the question?

Jason Bateman (0:57)

Sorry. Yeah.

Will Forte (0:58)

Okay.

Jason Bateman (0:59)

So I think I can see you, you can see me.

Will Forte (1:04)

I come from my window. I'm not in the window.

Sean Hayes (1:05)

Wait, are you being serious?

Will Forte (1:06)

You can see the, can you see the scaffolding?

Jason Bateman (1:07)

Yeah, what's going on up there? Are we doing some remodeling?

Will Forte (1:10)

Do you see like a black bag on the scaffolding that's blowing in the wind?

Jason Bateman (1:14)

No, because I'm on the south side of the building, the south side of your building.

Will Forte (1:19)

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. So on the south side of the building, way up there, there's like a little black bag.

Jason Bateman (1:24)

No, because the whole building is netted, so I don't see that.

Will Forte (1:26)

Oh, you don't see through the netting.

Jason Bateman (1:28)

No, I don't. Anywho, so we're neighbors. We've never lived closer to one another. Actually, no, that when you lived in my house with me and my wife.

Will Forte (1:37)

That was so fun.

Jason Bateman (1:39)

Why does my youngest daughter look so much like you?

Will Forte (1:41)

This is before the kids and the, God, your floors are so creaky. And I was just always like at night, I was just like, I didn't want to make a sound as I snuck around.

Jason Bateman (1:50)

Cigarettes. I was smoking back then too, though, wasn't I?

Will Forte (1:54)

You sure were.

Jason Bateman (1:56)

Hey, why is your hair so cut?

Sean Hayes (1:58)

Yeah.

Will Forte (1:58)

I just had a little trim ski.

Jason Bateman (2:00)

Is Eli with you right now?

Will Forte (2:02)

No, I didn't see Eli. I went to see my boy, my guy, Kevin Woon.

Jason Bateman (2:06)

Do you know about Kevin? Are you in a fight with Eli?

Will Forte (2:09)

No, no, no, I just haven't seen Eli.

Jason Bateman (2:11)

What happened to Eli in you?

I love Eli. Now, Sean also has a personal hairdresser.

Will Forte (2:19)

Sean, you've got a new person. Who's your person?

Sean Hayes (2:22)

Yeah, his name is Marco.

Jason Bateman (2:23)

Hey, hashtag relatable. You both have personal hairdressers?

Sean Hayes (2:27)

No, it's not personal.

Will Forte (2:29)

They're not full-time employment, you jerk.

Jason Bateman (2:31)

Kind of.

Sean Hayes (2:31)

Not on the payroll, no.

Will Forte (2:33)

Who cuts your hair?

Jason Bateman (2:34)

Whoever is heading the hair department on whatever project I'm working.

Will Forte (2:37)

That's such a lie.

Jason Bateman (2:39)

As a matter of fact, she just left the apartment. She is the key hair dresser on the show.

Will Forte (2:45)

And she came over to the house.

Sean Hayes (2:46)

Yeah, so that's personal.

Will Forte (2:47)

You're not even in the cast this time. You're the director, so she had to come to the director's house.

Jason Bateman (2:51)

I am doing that.

Sean Hayes (2:52)

So now who's highfalutin? That's so inking.

Will Forte (2:54)

Who's highfalutin?

Jason Bateman (2:57)

I'm doing one small scene, which qualifies as a pre-cut.

Will Forte (3:01)

His legs are broken, so he couldn't come to me, so I had to go to the director's apartment down in fancy part of Manhattan.

Jason Bateman (3:09)

Okay, so Sean, you're enjoying your new hairdresser?

Sean Hayes (3:13)

I am. He's really, really good. Marcus, yeah.

Will Forte (3:15)

So much so that you won't take your hat off.

Jason Bateman (3:17)

Yeah, take your hat off. Let's see what Marcus is doing to you.

Sean Hayes (3:20)

Well, it's just, you know, it looks like...

Jason Bateman (3:21)

Put that back on.

Sean Hayes (3:23)

Like Will said, I look like a page boy.