Manifesting After Miscarriage

**Hannah Summerhill** (0:00)
Hello, everybody, and welcome back to The Hannah Summerhill Show. Thank you guys for being here with me today. I'm really grateful for you all, and I just want to say that my community has been so supportive of me in the past couple weeks as I've gone through something really difficult that I wanted to share with you guys. So this is going to be a more personal episode. And actually, I pulled the most perfect card right before we started for today, which says, I release time and let the universe show me what to do.
So that's perfect for today's topic, because I've been thinking about time a lot lately and divine timing. And one of the reasons is because I recently, sadly, suffered a miscarriage.
And I was very excited to be pregnant when I got pregnant with my husband. And it was our first pregnancy. And this is obviously the last way you want your first pregnancy or any pregnancy to end. But I felt like I had to talk about this because I feel like such a different person after this experience. It's a completely new chapter that I'm moving forward into. I'm moving forward with a grief, but in a lot of ways, I feel like I am rising like a phoenix from these ashes. And it's experiences like this that can be such a filtering system, in a way. And there are so many gifts in that, that I acknowledge even with the sadness and the pain of all of it. But I move forward grateful. I move forward reborn in a way. But it didn't feel authentic to not share with you guys what I've been going through. And for the community who has reached out to me, who does know like my magic members and ascenders, and some of you on Instagram have been so kind and sweet and sharing your stories. And even though this is something that is so hard and so heartbreaking to get through, it is so common. So I obviously knew that miscarriage was a risk. Between 15 and 23 percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage. What I didn't know though, I got to the age of 39 without knowing this could happen, is that you could have something called a silent miscarriage. And that is what I had. So a silent miscarriage is where your body doesn't register that the pregnancy is no longer viable, but you stay pregnant. So the hormones continue to rise, the placenta actually continues to grow, and the uterus continues to grow, and you feel very much pregnant, but the baby hasn't continued to grow. Your body just hasn't registered it. I always thought, when you have a miscarriage, you'll know, you will bleed. And I didn't. So Dave, my husband, and I got to our first ultrasound appointment, very excited to see our baby on the screen for the first time. And we found out pretty quickly, I mean, you don't need to be a doctor to realize that something wasn't right. There was no baby on the screen.
And I could see the look in the midwife's eyes, looking at the screen, and just, you know, her brow furrowed. And it was one of the most nightmarish moments of my life.
And it's crazy because when you're pregnant, even if you're not pregnant that long, you get really attached to the idea of the baby. You get really attached to being a parent, especially a first-time parent. And your whole brain chemistry changes. As soon as I saw the pregnancy test was positive, I felt like a completely different person. And I know parents out there can relate, especially moms. Instead of thinking about yourself, you're thinking completely about this other being, not to mention the hormones and all of it. And there's so much joy in that. And I actually loved being pregnant, and I was having a really great first trimester. And when you're counting down the days till you're in the clear past the first trimester, every day can feel like a week, and every week can feel like a month.
So, one of the hardest parts of this whole experience was within the course of three minutes, you know, being so excited to see our baby, and then very quickly realizing something was wrong, and then being given my options to end the pregnancy.
And the sad thing is, so many women have been through this. And so, I want to talk about it, and I want to talk about how it's changed, if at all, how it's changed my relationship to manifestation, because that's actually a question that I've gotten from some of you, and something that I've wondered about for myself. There are three ways you can handle a silent miscarriage. The first is to let your body register it on its own. The second is to take an abortion pill. And the third is to get a surgery to remove the pregnancy called a DNC. Honestly, there's no great option. I couldn't imagine waiting for my body to naturally register this miscarriage, and I couldn't imagine staying pregnant for potentially weeks longer, just to randomly one day, when I'm, you know, out and about, my body registers it, and I start to bleed. Like, I couldn't imagine that hell. Even though I'm a pretty low-intervention person, instantly I was like, the surgery, I just want, I want this surgery, I want it as soon as possible. And luckily, my husband was very supportive of that. The thing with having a DNC, though, however, is that you are then preparing and then recovering from surgery.