Lovemaxxing E2: Why You Freeze Up When You Talk to Women

**SPEAKER_1** (0:01)
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**Dr.K** (0:30)
What are you afraid of them seeing?

**Philip** (0:31)
I think it's more of, I don't know what people are going to see.

**Dr.K** (0:35)
And so you notice like, oh, this is a shift. Like she's not even making eye contact. She's like turning away. She's like trying very hard to not engage with you at all.

**Philip** (0:45)
Yeah. She's the first person that I've ever been real with in a lot of ways and like seeing a lot of who I really was.

**Dr.K** (0:51)
Welcome to Lovemaxxing with Dr. K, the show where we talk to real people about their real dating struggles.
I'm Dr. K, a Harvard-trained psychiatrist, and today we're going to meet Brian. Brian is as much of a knight as you can be in the world today. He believes in chivalry, competes in melee combat, and also performs on stage. Brian checks all the boxes that we normally think of that lead to success in dating. He's six foot four, is passionate about his career, and is a good-looking dude. So you'd think that he hasn't made, but despite being charismatic on stage, he freezes up every time he talks to women.

**Philip** (1:27)
That ice breaking moment is the most difficult. I will freeze in my shoes, and I will close completely up.

**Dr.K** (1:35)
We spend the first part of the interview getting to know Brian, and understanding how he thinks. And then things take a turn.
I get a sense of random awfulness that pops up, that you can sort of do nothing about. And the other 13 days, you can kind of manage, but every once in a while this thing inside you comes up. And we learn from Brian that freezing up when you talk to girls is the first thread to a bigger knot that complicates your life. So sometimes, like in my job, I get a sense of something.
I'm surprised by the emotion I'm feeling right now, but I just got this very clear image of like you standing in armor, like facing down a dragon, that's like really scary. And it's potentially lethal. This is one of the coolest interviews that I've done, and if y'all want more information on dating, check out Dr. K's guide to love, sex and relationships. So let's jump into the interview. Thank you so much for coming today.

**Philip** (2:28)
Yeah, a pleasure.

**Dr.K** (2:29)
So first tell me, you've got something cool around your neck. What's that?

**Philip** (2:33)
It's a little shield necklace.
I like to embody like the knighthood and the kind of stuff. And so like the shield is like very much kind of like a symbol that I like to try to represent. I've worn it around my neck for probably like the last two years.

**Dr.K** (2:48)
Wow.

**Philip** (2:50)
This is a newer one that my sister got me for Christmas. I have an older one that sits in my bag. But it's like protection, feeling safe, like making people around me feel safe. It's the shield over the sword kind of mentality.
But very important. It's a symbol I try to keep on me at all times.

**Dr.K** (3:07)
Okay, what is that? That's fascinating. Can I ask about that?

**Philip** (3:10)
Yeah, please.

**Dr.K** (3:11)
What do you mean by embody the knighthood?

**Philip** (3:14)
Well, as a historian, the idea of chivalry and stuff, I mean, as a kid, I always wanted to be a knight.

**Dr.K** (3:22)
Okay.

**Philip** (3:24)
Unfortunately, history, knights weren't always the best people.
But I think our modern interpretation of them is probably more of idealistic. Courtesy and honor and bravery and sacrifice and kind of all these great values, I think, are awesome and great to hold. And so that's kind of like the person I want to be and kind of hold those values.

**Dr.K** (3:48)
Cool. And you said that when you were a kid, you wanted to be a knight.

**Philip** (3:52)
Oh, yeah. All the time.

**Dr.K** (3:53)
Can you tell me about that?

**Philip** (3:54)
Yeah. I think, I don't know, I was always fascinated with history as a kid.

**Dr.K** (4:00)
Okay.

**Philip** (4:01)
And kind of those strong figures. Like, I remember wearing, I think they were like a KFC bucket that I cut the knight helmet out of and a trash can shield and stick and reenacting those moments in the backyard as a kid, like with my brother. It was never about saving the princess. I think it was more of the the male fantasy of like sacrificing yourself at the gate, holding the enemy kind of mentality.