Louis CK: A Joke About Nursing Homes

**Louis CK** (0:04)
I go see my father. I do. I go see him once, um, once. I saw him once. That's how often I go. Once. I go in there, there's a lady at a desk, so I think I'm like checking in, you know? I get my ID. I was like, I'm here to see my father. She's like, yeah, go do whatever you want in there. What are you bothering me for? She's like, don't you want my ID? She's like, they're not valuables. What do you think happens? She didn't want to know my name or his name. I said, how do I find my dad? She goes, just talk to any of them. Who cares? Yeah, she's not wrong. Because you go in the place, right? And they're all, they're in wheelchairs, but they're not moving. They're just kind of jackknifed around the halls.
Like, some of them are facing each other, but it's an accident. It's like a game of bumper cars, where they turn the power off.
And then everybody died. Because they're all like this in their chairs. They're like this. Like, how the fuck does a neck... Like, here's the body, and then the neck, and then the head hangs down like a street lamp. This is what they do all day. This is what they do. This is what they do at night. And that's what they do in the day. These people are alive, just to be clear.
And I'm walking around this place, and I was losing interest in finding my father, honestly. And then I saw this one lady, this one lady in a wheelchair, and she was like this. She was tiny. She looked like a dead baby bird. You ever seen a dead baby bird, you know, with its got a little eye, and its hair is messy, you know, from like yoke, you know, because he just died. That's all he did. You know, when a bird is born in a little nest, and its egg is a little too close to the edge, so he just beep, like just, beep, that's his whole life. His mom was like, I got 12 more. And you see him on the sidewalk, you know, the dead baby bird, you're just walking, and you don't even break stride, you're like, saddest thing I ever saw. Okay, well, I gotta get some pizza. So that's what this lady looked like. She looked like a giant, dead baby bird in a wheelchair. And I noticed her, because she was going like this, she was going like...
She looked like she was beating her own heart manually.
Like, it stopped that morning, and she's like, I'll do it. I can do it myself.
So I see her, and then she sees me. And when she sees me, she goes, oh, help me. And I said, what? And she said, please help me. I was like, fuck you. This can't be on me. Who the fuck works here? So I started looking around for somebody, and then I see a guy, he's got like a white jacket, and he's on a computer. So I go, hey, sir. Yeah, this lady needs help. And the guy goes like this.
Just like that.
It's like I said, hey, I'm going to Starbucks. Do you need something from Starbucks? Yeah. Well, my father, he got old. That's what happened. That's what happens if you don't die for a long time. Watch Louis CK Ridiculous, only on Netflix.