Let Them: How to Handle Difficult People & Take Back Your Peace and Power

Mel Robbins (0:00)

Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to The Mel Robbins Podcast.

I am so excited you're here because today, you and I are going to talk about my favorite topic, relationships, and we're also going to dig into The Let Them Theory in a brand new way. I love The Let Them Theory. I love the fact that more than 11 million of you have read this book in just one year. It is a lifeline. It has given you so much more power and peace. It has helped you have better relationships, and I'm going to be answering the single biggest question that I have been asked since writing this book. I get asked this question a hundred fold more than any other question, and it's this. Mel, how do I use the Let Them Theory with people in my life that I'm worried about, they frustrate me, or they're just plain freaking difficult? What am I supposed to do? I'm supposed to just let my mother ruin my life, let my son be unmotivated in his job, let my partner leave their stuff all over the apartment, let my friend guilt trip me all the time? No, you're not supposed to do that. You have power, and today, I'm going to teach you a brand new framework. I've never taught this on the podcast. It's a simple framework that you're going to use in every relationship in your life where you're frustrated, stressed out, or you just wish things would change. If you're tired of being the bigger person, today, I'm going to make you smarter. I'm going to teach you how to use a simple framework and the Let Them Theory to remove the stress, the friction, and frustration, and focus on the one thing that you can control. You, you have power, and when you change the things we're going to talk about today in your frustrating relationships, absolutely everything will change.

Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to The Mel Robbins Podcast. I am so fired up for our conversation today. I love talking about the Let Them Theory, and I have not talked about the Let Them Theory or done an episode on it in over a year. It's such an honor to be together and to spend this time with you. If you're a new listener or you're here because somebody shared this episode with you, I just want to take a moment and personally welcome you to The Mel Robbins Podcast family. Today, you and I are going to dig into The Let Them Theory in a brand new way, using specific examples from your fellow listeners about difficult dynamics with the people that they love. The aging parents who won't take care of themselves, partners and relationships where you just can't do anything right. The family members who create so much drama. The friend who is suddenly mean and you don't know what you did. The people who leave you frustrated, worried, exhausted. Your life gets better the moment you change how you're dealing with the situation. And we're going to start doing that today. When you're in a relationship that doesn't work, there are two people in the relationship contributing to the dynamic. And trust me, I didn't want to hear that either because I personally love to blame other people when I'm not getting along with other people. But maybe, just maybe, you're people pleasing is part of the problem. Maybe walking on eggshells is contributing to the dynamic. Maybe giving them too much of your time is part of the problem. Maybe explaining away the disrespect is keeping you in a relationship you need to leave.

Maybe never ever having the hard conversation is what's making the relationship hard.

Or maybe how often you're showing up and you're trying to make things better, hoping things will change, that's actually part of the problem. Doesn't it make sense that you should change your strategy? Shouldn't you focus 100% of your energy on the part of this relationship dynamic that you can change, which is you? See, when you change your attitude or your approach or the amount of time you put into the relationship or you change the way you're having conversations, you have the power because you create the conditions for everything to change. And we're going to talk today about three mistakes that I've made in all of my relationships and what to do instead because these are three mistakes that you're probably making right now in the situation that you're in. And because every single situation in your relationship in your life is personal and different, and I don't have the specific details, and I'm also not a therapist, I'm not going to give you specific advice. I'm going to teach you a framework that has helped me profoundly in my relationships. And it's a framework that helps me figure out what the right response is given the specific situation. And that's what you're going to leave with today. Okay, so let's talk about the first of the three mistakes that you're making in relationships with other people. Mistake number one, you expect someone else to change. You do, and it's a giant mistake to do so.