Kelsey Cook: A Joke About Intrusive Thoughts

Kelsey Cook (0:05)

And one of the things I get the most are intrusive thoughts. Do you guys get intrusive thoughts? Okay, one of the ones I get the most is, if I'm walking down a busy street and there's food on the ground, like a cupcake just smashed into the sidewalk, bird shit around it, my brain every time is like, you should eat that.

And I know I never will, but I think my brain is just obsessed with the amount of freedom we have as adults, because you sure can. I wouldn't advise it. I just think it's so funny to picture me like walking down the street and seeing the cupcake and scooping it up and eating it and just keep on walking. Because you know people walking the other way would be like, Oh! Is that the escort from the billboard?

I thought she'd be doing better. I also get a lot of intrusive thoughts around like sharp objects and knives. Like, I can't chop vegetables without my brain picturing like, Oh God, if this knife slips one degree, we are losing a digit. I mean knives are crazy to me. They're the only weapon that also doubles as kitchenware. Like you don't shoot a zucchini in half. I mean, you can, but you'll lose your security deposit, you know.

I haven't found a permanent solution yet for the depression. I am trying to stay away from the crystals, but they're getting tempting. Might become a full blown crystal lady. Watch Kelsey Cook, Happy Hour, only on Netflix.