Joey Diaz

SPEAKER_1 (0:01)

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Theo Von (0:24)

He's a legendary comedian, podcaster, and friend. You know him from The Church of What's Happening Now.

He's going to be popping up in Austin more too, it looks like. I had a great time catching up with the great Joey Coco Diaz.

Joey Diaz (0:58)

What did you end up doing last night? Did you go to watch Burr?

Theo Von (1:02)

No, I didn't. Some guy fricking had a stroke over there in the audience or whatever. Some guy who fucking couldn't hold it or whatever had a heart attack and then, and they had to start the show an hour late. So I was going to stop over there because I'm staying right over by Gotham Comedy Club on 23rd, 22nd, 23rd.

Joey Diaz (1:19)

How long are you in town for?

Theo Von (1:21)

Till Monday. I'm going to go to the US Open.

Joey Diaz (1:23)

Okay.

Theo Von (1:24)

I never been before.

Joey Diaz (1:25)

It's a blast.

Theo Von (1:26)

You been?

Joey Diaz (1:27)

No, because I don't want to sit there going like this.

Theo Von (1:28)

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But if the cops come, that's my answer.

Joey Diaz (1:33)

But it's a great time. It's good to go up there. A lot of bitches.

Theo Von (1:36)

Really?

Joey Diaz (1:37)

A lot of bitches looking for fucking husbands because one of my friends sent me up to go on over. US Open, wish me luck to find the husband. So.

Theo Von (1:47)

Yeah, so I'm excited about that. But dude, I was walking on here. Dude, somebody drew us Tony Hinchcliffe on a building here. Do you see that?

Joey Diaz (1:54)

No.

Theo Von (1:54)

Here in Asbury. Asbury is what this is called?

Joey Diaz (1:56)

Yeah, Asbury Park.

Theo Von (1:57)

Asbury Park. Is that it? Look at that shit.

Joey Diaz (1:59)

Is that Tony Hinchcliffe?

Theo Von (2:00)

For sure.

Joey Diaz (2:02)

I don't think so.

Theo Von (2:03)

Oh, that's him for sure.

That's got to be him. Dude, do you know Bam Bam Bigelow is from here?

Joey Diaz (2:12)

Bam Bam, the wrestler. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, somebody's from here. Did you ever meet him? No.

Theo Von (2:17)

Oh, yeah, that's him right there. That guy's from here. I had no idea.

Joey Diaz (2:20)

Wow, and he's older than I am.

Theo Von (2:23)

That guy.

Joey Diaz (2:25)

He dead?

Theo Von (2:28)

Oh, he could have fucking faked it.

Joey Diaz (2:30)

Oh, shit.

Theo Von (2:32)

And then with Scott.

Joey Diaz (2:33)

That's a tough career being a wrestler, guys.

Theo Von (2:35)

Yeah, because imagine it's basically like being a comedian, but when you get there, you got to fight something. Imagine you get on stage and you got to fight somebody for a half hour.

Joey Diaz (2:45)

I'm not even worried about it. I'm worried about getting there and then like, oh, tonight you're bombing.

Theo Von (2:48)

Yeah.

Joey Diaz (2:51)

Tonight you're bombing and somebody's going to throw a chair on your head. Okay.

I feel better about myself.

Theo Von (2:58)

That's true, dude. Fuck, bro. Yeah, a lot of my friends are at Burning Man actually this week, man.

Did you ever go?

Joey Diaz (3:05)

Are you fucking crazy? You don't go to that deal. Don't get involved in that. That's uppity people and all that pussy skankin.

Theo Von (3:14)

You think?

Joey Diaz (3:14)

Four or five days without washing it, putting it in a hole, not eating right, no vitamins out in the desert with sand crawling in your uterus. That ain't no good for your snatch, dog.

Dirty, filthy white chicks. Those are filthy white chicks, bro. 20 years ago, I'd be over there eating ass and getting my dick sucked, but now I'm too old. One of those diseases catches you, right? You end up with Lyme disease or something going on with fucking bitches up there.

Theo Von (3:38)

Oh, dude, I'll get Lyme disease in my lungs, dude. Some of the shit I'm into, you know? Those people crazy.

Joey Diaz (3:44)

They're out there at six in the morning. Damn, what are we doing? There's a war going on. You want to dance in the desert? Come on, bro.