Jo Koy + Greg Fitzsimmons (Carolla Classics)

**Adam Carolla** (0:00)
Five-hour energy. Ignite your taste buds with a freezer pop classic. Re-imagine as a delicious firework freeze. Five-hour energy shot.
Oh, it's a great summer flavor that reminds you of your childhood. Juicy cherry, citrusy lime, and candy like blue raspberry all combine in every sip.
So, you can get the flavor you crave, but with none of the sugar. It's the perfect burst of caffeine to keep you up with the kids during your wiffle ball games. That's the best summer game. And they're pocket-sized, so you can take them with you everywhere. It's five-hour energy, right, Dawson?

**Alison Rosen** (0:47)
Ignite your taste buds with a firework freeze flavored five-hour energy shot and now available online at fivehourenergy.com or Amazon.

**Giovanni** (1:16)
Welcome to Carolla Classics, I'm your host, super fan, Giovanni. This is the podcast where we play the best moments, highlights and fan select eclipse from all 17 years of The Adam Carolla Show. If you'd like to gain access to the ad-free archives of The Adam Carolla Show, The Adam and Dr. Drew Show and the newer podcast, Beat It Out, make sure to check out Adam Carolla's sub stack, adamcarolla.substack.com. And if you'd like to request a clip for us to play here on Carolla Classics, make sure to email us classics.adamcarolla.com. Now on to the clips. Come up first today, we have Adam Carolla Show 1064 from way back in 2013
This is a famous live show where Jo Koy joined him on stage with Alison Rosen and Bryan Bishop, live from a Malfi in the restaurant. This episode spawned a famous bit that made its way all the way to the Ace Awards. I hope you guys enjoy.

**SPEAKER_4** (2:00)
Hello and welcome to Pluto Phone. If you know the name of the movie you would like to see, just stream it for free on Pluto TV where all your blockbuster favorites are landing all summer long. Catch Anchorman, The Legend of Ron Burgundy.

**Greg Fitzsimmons** (2:12)
Fantastic.

**SPEAKER_4** (2:13)
The Matrix Trilogy.

**SPEAKER_6** (2:15)
Welcome to the real world. Mean Girls.

**SPEAKER_4** (2:17)
Shut up. Titanic.

**SPEAKER_7** (2:19)
I'm the king of the world.

**SPEAKER_4** (2:20)
And so much more. For Showtimes, press nothing. They're free 24 7

**Greg Fitzsimmons** (2:25)
That is so fetch.

**SPEAKER_4** (2:26)
On Pluto TV. Stream now. Pay never.

**Adam Carolla** (2:29)
I'm Adam Carolla. That's Jo Koy.

**Alison Rosen** (2:33)
Good to see you, Jo.

**Adam Carolla** (2:35)
Alison Rosen over here. Bald Bryan.
Do you have the drop of the day?

**Bryan Bishop** (2:47)
Boom. Oh, multiple, multiple requests for today's top drop, hashtag top drop for boom.

**Adam Carolla** (2:53)
Yeah.

**Bryan Bishop** (2:54)
Boom.

**Adam Carolla** (2:55)
That's the porcelain punisher, Matt Fondelaire. Speaking of punishing the porcelain, I just walked out of the bathroom.
I went into the stall because the urinal was being occupied, and I saw the makeshift collage ass gasket that was crafted from multiple pieces of toilet paper.
I want to know who this international man of mystery is. I know he's here. So I thought, well, that's peculiar, but I guess, you know, any ass port in a storm, they must have been out of ass gaskets. But sure enough, the ass gasket dispenser was brimming with fresh ass gaskets. So what kind of monster, monster or futuristic time traveler?

**Jo Koy** (3:51)
Well, here I am, Adam.

**SPEAKER_9** (3:53)
Joe, that was not you.

**Greg Fitzsimmons** (3:55)
I saw the guy walked out.

**Adam Carolla** (3:57)
He was a skinny man of non-color.

**SPEAKER_11** (4:01)
Does he look like someone who likes to spend 15 minutes making a little collage before he takes a shit?

**Adam Carolla** (4:06)
I don't know who wants to make a bed for their asshole before.

**SPEAKER_7** (4:11)
Like, you're tucking your ass in or something?

**SPEAKER_11** (4:13)
We're too good for the paper ring thing.

**Jo Koy** (4:15)
Especially when it's the little squares, because then it's like a puzzle and you have to put it along the rim.

**Adam Carolla** (4:20)
No, he did it in like 15-inch strips, but he dangles over like a penny. He doubled down. He doubled them up. By the way, it's already two-ply already, asshole.
Literally. Do you need it to be four-ply now?

**SPEAKER_11** (4:34)
The problem with that, though, is if you work too fast, you're going to ruin what you've already put down.

**Adam Carolla** (4:39)
By the way, I would argue that it's diminishing returns. Once you spent 45 minutes crafting your pinata, your ass yada, how much contact and time do you want with the seat? How much seat time do you physically want? You know what I mean? This guy was very carefully crafting this and plotting this, which is basically you're ruining your own point, which is I want the least amount of contact with this surface as possible.