Jo Koy: A Joke About Getting Fired From McDonald's

Jo Koy (0:05)

Here's the thing, I worked at McDonald's and I worked early, 15 and a half, I had to sign a waiver. My mom had to sign this waiver to let your underage kid to go into work. And my mom was like, yes, take advantage of my son, where do I sign? 15 and a half, I'm not even making this shit up. And I had to work after school from 3.3 and I had to be home by 7.30. You couldn't open and you couldn't close. And you could only work four hours at 15 and a half. And I got paid what? 385 an hour. 385 an hour, four hours a day. Maximum four days a week. Let's do the math and let's round up. What is that? $4 an hour? Four times four is what? What is that? $16? And then what? Tax? Let's knock that shit in half. $8 for the day. Oh, by the way, they didn't let you eat for free. You had to buy it. You had to buy the food. So let's take another $3 off. So the whole day, I just got $6 from this fucking clown.

And that's why I got fired at McDonald's. Cause I was stealing chicken nuggets. I was gonna pay for that fucking food. I stole those nuggets. Back then, I worked the nugget machine and you dropped a hundred nuggets. And then I put it in the drawer. And then I would take two of those motherfuckers and put it in my pocket. And I would take two every fucking basket drop. You think I'm lying? And I had sauces everywhere. I had hot mustard up here. I had barbecue sauce underneath the fucking mop one time.

I had a stain on my khakis. You know that nugget that looks like Louisiana? It's Louisiana right here on my thigh. I had a fucking stain of Louisiana on my thigh. I stole those nuggets. You're not going to pay me. I'm going to get my food for free. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. I'm stealing it.

And I went to work one day and the manager was like, you can go home. And I was like, what?

She goes, you know why. Look at your pants. And I go, go home. And I went home. And I remember I was just so traumatized because my mom and dad divorced. And it was like, my sister was working at Taco Bell and I was working at McDonald's. It was a little money, but it was enough money. We were giving it to my mom, right? And I just remember like, here I go again, fucking up. And I remember in my head, I'm just going to go home real quick. I'm going to change my, get out of my uniform. I'm going to go to the mall and I'll put a bunch of applications in for another job. And I'll be good. I'll go to Cinnabon. I like Cinnabon too. I'm going to eat so many. I had already how many Cinnabons I was going to eat and where I was going to put these fucking buns.

I remember I got home and I swear to God, my mom is never home during the week. And she was home. She was home on the couch, and I was like, just sitting there, she's like, oh, I thought you were working at McDonald's. And I had to come up with a line that fast. This is how fast I came up with a line. I was like, oh, mom, they switched my schedule, and they didn't tell me. And I didn't show up for my new schedule, so they fired me for a no call no show. So it's all good. I'm just going to go to the mall and get another job, mom. It's all good. And I started walking to my room. I was like, hold on, that doesn't make sense. Come back here. So you're saying that they switched your schedule and didn't tell you, and then they fired you because you didn't show up for the new schedule that they didn't tell you about?

Yeah. Yeah. Jo said, that doesn't make sense to me. Are you telling me the truth? I'm like, yeah. It's weird, right? It's all good. I'll just get another job. I said, no, Jo said, they cannot do that. They're supposed to tell you when they switch your schedule. They're supposed to, you're just supposed to assume that they switched your schedule. That's illegal, Jo said. Put your uniform back on. I'm going to get your job back. I'm like, no, it's okay. Get in the goddamn car, Jo said. Now, now, now I'm in the fucking car on my way to McDonald's.