Jim Jefferies: A Joke About 1990s Ted Danson

**Jim Jefferies** (0:05)
The reason I say that is because in the 90s, Ted Danson, Ted Danson, in my opinion, is the greatest sitcom star of all time. Longest Jeopardy, he's still in him today. He's still in him today. Back to Cheers, and still in him today, right? Ted Danson in the 90s dated Whoopi Goldberg. That's not the weird bit, but...
Ted Danson dated Whoopi Goldberg. They had a roast of Whoopi Goldberg at the Fries Club, and at Whoopi Goldberg's request, Ted Danson did Blackface. Now, when you get home, Google Ted Danson Blackface, because it does not disappoint. If you're a fan of Blackface...
This is Michelin star Blackface. But if you like to get on the internet and get really angry, it'll scratch that itch as well. No one loses when they Google Ted Danson Blackface. Now, a friend of mine, a friend of mine had never seen Ted Danson Blackface, so I show him Ted Danson Blackface. We make our comments, and we move on with our day. Cut to two, three days later. I'm at home, I'm laying on the sofa, I'm watching TV, it's the middle of the day, right? My three-year-old is off at another three-year-old's birthday with the nanny. My 12-year-old is at school. My wife walks in the room and sees she's going to Whole Foods. My wife fucking loves Whole Foods. She'll be gone for at least an hour, right? Now, if you're a father like me with a young family, you'll know what I'm talking about. Very rare you get the house to yourself, right? I wait till she leaves and wait a little bit longer, and then I hitch me pants down. I'm going to have myself a carefree wank, right? It's very rare the carefree wank. You know the one, you're like this. I'm going to leave the volume on.
I'm not going to scurry away to the toilet like a fucking animal. I bought this cunting house, and I'll ejaculate wherever the fuck I want. I'm going to come here in the living room, next to the kitchen. I don't give a fuck, right? So I've selected me porn. I'm starting to get some meat in me cock. I'm going good. I'm a few minutes in. My wife comes back. She's forgotten something, right? The fucking Tesla fucked me over, didn't it?
Back in the day, you used to get a bit of warning. Like, do you know how many loud engines have saved marriages? So my wife walks in, and we just fucking lock eyes, just.
And I panic, and I quickly delete the porn. My wife thinks I'm up to no good. She runs over, she grabs my phone, and all she sees is Ted Danson in blackface.
And she looks at the picture, and she looks at my cock, and then she looks me dead in the eye, and she goes, I'm in.
Because my wife's a fucking racist. Watch Jim Jefferies, Two Limb Policy, only on Netflix.