Jerry Seinfeld

**SPEAKER_1** (0:01)
Spikes car radio starts now.

**Spike Feresten** (0:30)
It's earth, wind, and fire. Because here with us finally is fire, I think, or wind.
Which one are you?

**Jerry Seinfeld** (0:40)
Um, I think he's fire and you're earth, so that makes me wind.

**Paul Zuckerman** (0:48)
Process of elimination.

**Spike Feresten** (0:50)
Welcome to Spike's Car Radio. We're excited to be here. I'm going to turn off the earth, wind and fire.
Rufus is here. What is he eating?

**Paul Zuckerman** (1:01)
She is eating a bottle cap.

**Spike Feresten** (1:04)
What do you think of this dog, Jerry? This is the first time you saw this dog.

**Jerry Seinfeld** (1:06)
It just shows that there's a use for every dog, no matter how misbegotten, no matter how ill-suited, disadvantaged, ungraced with any...
It's a blessing. There's no blessings.

**Spike Feresten** (1:21)
This dog was flown in from another country. This dog was paid for. This is a luxury dog.

**Jerry Seinfeld** (1:26)
It is? Yes.

**Spike Feresten** (1:28)
That's a luxury dog.

**Jerry Seinfeld** (1:29)
Oh, it looks like it came out of a sluice pipe.

**Paul Zuckerman** (1:36)
A sluice pipe?

**Jerry Seinfeld** (1:37)
Yeah, it looks like you got stuck in traffic, and one of the atmospheric storms just caused a gushing out of a pipe, and this thing came out with it.

**Spike Feresten** (1:47)
Yeah. How do we know it didn't?

**Jerry Seinfeld** (1:50)
But I said to Spike today, Zuckerman loves his dog because it looks like how he feels inside.

**Paul Zuckerman** (1:56)
And this is 100% true. She's a manifestation of my warped psyche.

**Jerry Seinfeld** (2:00)
Yeah.

**Paul Zuckerman** (2:01)
Yeah, 100%. She's chewing on the metal.

**Jerry Seinfeld** (2:05)
I wish you would have seen me earlier today talking with some people. I'm not going to mention names or roles that they play.
But I, you're very good with the misbegotten. But so am I in a different way. If I'm alone with a handicapped individual.

**SPEAKER_5** (2:30)
Are we going to be cutting this segment?

**Jerry Seinfeld** (2:35)
I'm really good, I mean socially, the socially ill at ease. I'm very good with the socially ill at ease.

**Spike Feresten** (2:43)
Oh, you don't mean literally handicapped?

**Jerry Seinfeld** (2:44)
No, I don't mean literally handicapped or physically challenged. I mean socially challenged.

**Spike Feresten** (2:49)
I see.

**Jerry Seinfeld** (2:50)
I'm very good with them.

**Paul Zuckerman** (2:51)
With the awkward people.

**Jerry Seinfeld** (2:52)
The awkward people. If I get them alone, I know how to, but you do too. That's what you do for a living.

**Spike Feresten** (2:59)
Give us some tips. What do you do?

**Jerry Seinfeld** (3:03)
I give them their space. I try not to judge them.

**Spike Feresten** (3:08)
Yeah.

**Jerry Seinfeld** (3:09)
You know.

**Paul Zuckerman** (3:09)
It's like how we handle police.

**Jerry Seinfeld** (3:10)
I can see how they see the world.

**Spike Feresten** (3:12)
Wait, don't you have any practical things? Like I ask them questions about themselves.

**Paul Zuckerman** (3:16)
Oh, you can't ask them questions.

**Spike Feresten** (3:18)
I don't yell at them.

**Paul Zuckerman** (3:19)
You got to put them at ease.

**Spike Feresten** (3:20)
I don't make eye contact.

**Jerry Seinfeld** (3:22)
I make eye contact and I just listen. That works with 99.9. Just listen.

**Spike Feresten** (3:27)
You also smile.

**Jerry Seinfeld** (3:28)
Smile and say, really? What else?

**SPEAKER_5** (3:34)
Oh, the shrink. How did that happen?

**Spike Feresten** (3:39)
You play shrink.

**Jerry Seinfeld** (3:41)
How did that happen?
My other trick that I mentioned before, ask questions that have a number for an answer. How long have you been there?

**Spike Feresten** (3:53)
Six years.

**Paul Zuckerman** (3:54)
How many times you get up to pee at night?

**Spike Feresten** (3:56)
Then you go, really?

**Jerry Seinfeld** (3:58)
Really.

**Spike Feresten** (3:59)
That's interesting. They don't know that you're faking.

**Jerry Seinfeld** (4:07)
Nobody knows. Numbers are the key to making conversation.

**Spike Feresten** (4:10)
Really?

**Jerry Seinfeld** (4:11)
Yeah. When did you do that? How long have you lived there?
How long does it take you to get there? Anything where the answer is a number.

**Spike Feresten** (4:18)
How many divorces?

**Jerry Seinfeld** (4:19)
They can handle that question. If you ask them a real question like, why do you do what you do? They can't answer it.
That's what you want to know, but you can't ask that.

**Paul Zuckerman** (4:31)
So you can ask them, how many years have you done that?

**Jerry Seinfeld** (4:33)
Yeah, how many years have you done that? And what did you do before that?
What year was that?

**Spike Feresten** (4:38)
They like numbers.

**Jerry Seinfeld** (4:40)