Jerry Seinfeld

**Spike Feresten** (0:29)
Harry Nielsen. The original motion picture soundtrack, Midnight Cowboy. Stop and staring at beautiful cars. We're here with none other than Jerry Seinfeld. And Paul Zuckerman Esquire.
I'm listening to Harry Nielsen and you've got crunchy snacks. What is that? Pick up that mic.

**Jerry Seinfeld** (0:56)
I love Harry Nielsen. Did you see the doc on him?

**Spike Feresten** (1:01)
No.

**Jerry Seinfeld** (1:01)
It's quite a, I mean, like we don't know enough about alcoholism, but wow.

**Spike Feresten** (1:06)
I can't stand other people's lives in books or in documentaries anymore. I've had it.
I had to experience you once. I'm not gonna experience you a second time.

**Jerry Seinfeld** (1:20)
It was when people thought being a drunk was funny and just kind of an eccentric characteristic of some people.

**Spike Feresten** (1:27)
Will you ever get a biography done about you?

**Jerry Seinfeld** (1:29)
No.

**Spike Feresten** (1:30)
Why?

**Jerry Seinfeld** (1:31)
Not interested.

**Spike Feresten** (1:32)
Why?

**Jerry Seinfeld** (1:32)
I don't like this. I find the subject boring.

**Spike Feresten** (1:34)
Can I be frank with you? We're not interested either.
We're experiencing you now. We've been experiencing you for decades.

**Jerry Seinfeld** (1:42)
I've done a lot of cool things in my life, but my life itself, not that interesting.

**Spike Feresten** (1:49)
Well, it would just be a rehash of all the things that you've done, but I'm sure you were approached about that all the time, right?

**Jerry Seinfeld** (1:57)
Yeah, but there's no story. What's the story?
Everything is a pitch meeting on Seinfeld. Remember, you'd come in.

**Spike Feresten** (2:04)
Yes.

**Jerry Seinfeld** (2:04)
You go, well, what's the story? What do you have?

**Spike Feresten** (2:07)
The story of Jerry.
Usually, we lead with a revelation of some kind, some secret that you've been keeping that we don't know about. So what's that?

**Jerry Seinfeld** (2:17)
If I had that, then maybe you'd have a book. I don't have it.

**Spike Feresten** (2:23)
Good. Well, we're not buying it anyways. I'm done.
You know, I'm done with people memorializing people who have died that they didn't know on Instagram.
Oh, I hate that one. And we were just talking about, I was just reading about Mick Jagger. He's not writing his biography. He's like enough.

**Jerry Seinfeld** (2:40)
Yeah.

**Paul Zuckerman** (2:41)
Well, what about a guy like Jan Wenner, who's never happy with his biography?

**Jerry Seinfeld** (2:44)
Jan.

**Paul Zuckerman** (2:45)
And he's on to like biography number four that he's writing himself because the first three guys didn't get it right for him.

**Spike Feresten** (2:51)
He just imploded.

**Paul Zuckerman** (2:53)
He's crazy.

**Spike Feresten** (2:54)
He was up until that moment doing a very good job.

**Jerry Seinfeld** (2:58)
But see, you're fascinated by obits. You love funny obits.

**Paul Zuckerman** (3:03)
The obits.

**Jerry Seinfeld** (3:04)
Why?

**Paul Zuckerman** (3:04)
Because.

**Spike Feresten** (3:05)
Those are good.

**Paul Zuckerman** (3:05)
There's something about, I like the sad small life and how it's written up. This is your one chance to be in the paper.

**Spike Feresten** (3:15)
That's the difference I'm saying. These are people who have never been out in the world. Most of the people who are writing these biographies and autobiographies, they've been out in the world. We've seen it.

**Paul Zuckerman** (3:26)
And here's your chance. You've got this one inch column. You've got X amount of words.
And what's going to be said about you. And periodically, mostly it's pathetic. I hate to say it. Mostly it's just it's you didn't amount to anything.

**Jerry Seinfeld** (3:41)
Do you think that human life, generally speaking, is pathetic?

**Paul Zuckerman** (3:44)
No, nothing is remembered about any. Yes. Yeah.
Basically it is. But I see we're just fighting off death for however many years we have it. But very few people matter.

**Spike Feresten** (3:54)
Don't you think there's a glut of autobiographies and biographies out there? Like maybe you go back 50 years. There were a little more particular about who we're going to write about Winston Churchill.

**Jerry Seinfeld** (4:03)
I'm going to quote my friend Spike Feresten. There's a glut of everything.

**SPEAKER_4** (4:07)
There's too much.

**Jerry Seinfeld** (4:08)
Too much everything.

**Spike Feresten** (4:11)
Enough. I'm getting anxiety. All the stuff I have to watch and read. Here's all I want to know about Jerry. And welcome to the show, dear listener.
We're very excited because we have our on the scene Rennsport Reunion correspondent, Jerry Seinfeld here. You showed up.

**Jerry Seinfeld** (4:29)
I did.

**Spike Feresten** (4:29)
Where Zuckerman and I did not. You were better than us. We will freely admit that.

**Jerry Seinfeld** (4:34)
And it's harder for me to walk amongst 100,000 Porsche fanatics than for you. And I did it anyway.