Jeff Arcuri: A Joke About Marrying The Bachelorette

Jeff Arcuri (0:05)

I will say this, they do love my wife. My wife is an amazing person. We got married this year. Yeah.

They love her, dude. One of my sisters is a huge fan of hers, actually, because my wife, I don't know if you know, was on reality TV for a few years. My wife was on The Bachelorette. Yeah. Yeah, you guys heard? Have you seen it, buddy? You have? Have you seen it, the show before? The Bachelorette? No, let me explain. Brother, let me explain what the show is. It's a show where one woman dates like 30 different guys.

And she tries to fall in love, but if she doesn't fall in love, ha. Ha ha. This is what you get to take home if you don't win.

I get it in my head about it. If you haven't met her, she's so beautiful. When we started dating, dude, we, I was not used to the attention that she got. We started dating, she put a picture of us up together, of us hugging on her Instagram. It was adorable. It was a soft launch. But then Us Weekly picked it up. Us Weekly picked it up as news, and they decided to announce, with the headline, Former Bachelorette Katie Thurston, Dating Comedian. No name.

Beauty Queen. Fuck's Clown. That's what that said. And you know what pissed me off? They didn't even choose our photo of us holding each other. They chose two separate photos of us alone, and then just put them next to each other. It looks like I murdered her, dude. It's a photo of her on a red carpet like this, then a photo of me just outside looking into the camera. And all the comments underneath were so mean. Just so many vomit emojis. So many, like, him, really? That guy? That's your boyfriend? And it hurt my feelings. I'm not gonna lie. It hurts to feel, to hear those things. But I'm almost 40 years old, dude. I'm not gonna reply to those comments, you know? So I created a fake Instagram account.

And then I went to every one of those people's pages, and I commented the same thing verbatim on their children's pictures. And it felt good, brother. You don't know the catharsis I felt sitting on the toilet, like, that's your son?

That's just... I swear to God, I did that. I told my friend that in secret, and he laughed so hard that now I tell you guys. Watch Jeff Arcuri, Nice To Meet You, only on Netflix.