"Instantly Put Toxic People In Their Place!" - Show Your Worth Without Saying A Word | Terri Cole (Fan Fave)

**Lisa Bilyeu** (0:01)
Evening.

**Terri Cole** (0:02)
Buyers' Remorse. Buy a new car?

**Lisa Bilyeu** (0:04)
I'll be moving in. Let's get started.

**Terri Cole** (0:07)
Sorry, I think there's been a mistake.

**Lisa Bilyeu** (0:09)
I bought it from Carvana. You what? Yeah, great price.

**Terri Cole** (0:12)
I even have seven days to love it or return it. So there's no...

**Lisa Bilyeu** (0:15)
No, no Buyers' Remorse. More like Buyers' Rejoice.
I guess I'll let myself out.

**Terri Cole** (0:22)
Congratulations.

**Lisa Bilyeu** (0:23)
I mean it. Buyers' Rejoice.

**Terri Cole** (0:25)
Buy your car today on Carvana. Limitations and exclusions may apply.

**Lisa Bilyeu** (0:28)
See our seven-day return policy at carvana.com. What up, guys? It's Lisa. And I'm so pumped to share this episode of Women of Impact with you today about something so freaking important and yet so hard to do. And that is setting and holding your boundaries. That's right. And the amazing woman here to help us is the boundary boss herself, my homie, Terri Cole. Because she has been on the show a number of times because she's so damn profound and good at empowering women to put toxic people in their place once and for all. And so in this episode, Terri is sharing so many amazing tactics and insights into setting and holding your boundaries and how to deal with the people in your life and exactly what to say to those who don't respect your boundaries. And finally, we talk about how to deal with someone who is repeatedly over and over and over, purposefully crossing your boundaries and so, so much more. So let's dive in right now. I'm Lisa Bilyeu, and welcome to Women of Impact.
What is the number one thing that traps women in toxic relationships and what can we do to finally take our power back?

**Terri Cole** (1:35)
This is where our boundaries, right, our preferences, our limits and our deal-breakers, we need to be really clear about what they are. Sometimes I just put my hand up and go, no possibility. And your whole body says it. Because a lot of times when someone is wanting to control you.
We're talking about categories of boundaries. There's five categories of boundaries. You have your physical boundaries, which also sort of encompass sexual boundaries as like a subcategory. You have emotional boundaries, mental boundaries, material boundaries, right? That's like your things. And so we need healthy boundaries in all of those areas of life. So if your physical boundaries are disordered, right? And someone is touching you in a way that you don't like, or someone is coercing you to be sexual when you don't want to be, even if you're married, right? Consent is a real thing. Like you don't owe anybody sex, even if you're married, if you don't want to. And I think that sometimes people feel like they do. But according to me, I do not think you do. I feel like it's OK to not want to or to have a headache. And it's also OK for them, right? In a mutual relationship, we have sex when we both want to. And sometimes we like phony and you have sex, but you don't really feel like it. But that's not the same as somebody coercing you to have sex. So having healthy boundaries. And even if you're dating, right, what would a healthy sexual boundary sound like if you're about to have sex with someone is saying, hey, do you have a condom? Because if not, I do, because I don't have unprotected sex.
That's a healthy sexual boundary. Someone trying to convince you to have unprotected sex if you guys have not been tested or if you just don't, maybe that's your policy, you just don't. That is a boundary violation right there. Physical boundary is your body, right? What is your biggest physical boundary is your body itself. So if someone is putting their hand on your shoulder, rubbing your back, standing too close to you, those are all physical boundary violations that that person might not realize, right? So it's our job to say, hey, Bob, can you step back a little bit? You're a little too close for my comfort.
And if Bob was a friend, who the hell cares?
A lot of times we will physically, if somebody is a close talker, we will physically take a step just naturally. We're trying to put distance so that we have more of a buffer of our comfort zone. And if that person steps forward, we can do it with humor. You can be like, backing up pal, you're too close.
There's a way to do it, but your comfort matters.
You have a right to whatever your preference is. Maybe you're a handshaker and not a hugger. That's your right. That preference matters, but it's you have to negotiate for that preference. Don't just go along with it because the other person wants a hug. You can stick your hand right out. Someone goes in for a hug and you can be like, hey, more of a shaker. You could just be funny. You could be a little tongue in cheek. With your emotional boundaries, this is where codependency comes in. This is where manipulation comes in. It's knowing that you are responsible for your feelings and that you're not responsible for other people's feelings. So when you have healthy emotional boundaries, you won't be guilted, even when people try to guilt you for their feelings, because you know that their feelings are their side of the street. And you can say, hey, I understand you don't like that choice that I made, and I love you, and I'm sorry that you don't like it.