I Left My Fiancé, My Church and My Shame

Anna Martin (0:01)

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Love now and forever. Love was stronger than anything.

Taylor Tomlinson (0:43)

I feel the love.

Anna Martin (0:44)

Love. And I love you more than anything.

Taylor Tomlinson (0:47)

There's still love.

Anna Martin (0:48)

Love.

From the New York Times, I'm Anna Martin. This is Modern Love. And today I'm talking to the comedian, Taylor Tomlinson. For most of her life, Taylor had this idea of a timeline. And I know lots of people have something like this. It's like, get a serious job by your mid-20s, get married by 30, have kids by 35, get a house with a picket fence and a two-car garage, whatever your version of the good life is. A timeline is a way to make sure you're on track. And when she was 25, Taylor was. Her comedy career was taking off. She was engaged to this great guy, ready to start married life with him. And as far as career goes, Taylor has stayed right on schedule. She's recorded a bunch of comedy specials, hosted a late night show on network TV, and she just wrote a memoir. But the other parts of her life did not go the way she expected, especially the marriage part. Today, I talked to Taylor Tomlinson about what happens when your timeline gets all kinds of messed up and how to go for what you want next while accepting where you are now.

Taylor Tomlinson, welcome to Modern Love.

Taylor Tomlinson (2:00)

Thank you so much for having me.

Anna Martin (2:02)

Thank you for being here. Taylor, we have at least one thing in common, which is that you and I both grew up in religious families.

Now, we talk about sex all the time for our job. What a path.

Taylor Tomlinson (2:17)

I know, right? Are you impressed with us?

Anna Martin (2:20)

I'm like, if they could see us now, and then it's sort of like they are seeing us now.

Taylor Tomlinson (2:24)

You're like, you know, it's actually everything we're doing is very public.

Anna Martin (2:26)

A hundred percent. I was so in your book, in your memoir, you talk about starting off your stand-up journey in the church stand-up comedy circuit, which I did not know, they didn't have that at my church.

Taylor Tomlinson (2:38)

No, no. It's not something that many churches have. I mean, in a lot of times, it was we were coming in to do like a church comedy night that was meant as like outreach, or like an event to get people in the door, like some churches would have carnivals. And of course, there are lots of church comedians who own that tour churches like theaters.

Anna Martin (3:00)

Ah, I was wondering if you were competing with the worship band. Aren't they always so cute? The drummers, especially.

Taylor Tomlinson (3:07)

And so connected to the Lord.

Anna Martin (3:09)

I know. What a turn on.

Taylor Tomlinson (3:12)

When they're strumming and they get real quiet.

Anna Martin (3:14)

100%, they say, yeah, everyone close your eyes. Okay, Taylor, in your new memoir, which is called, Actually, Nevermind, you write about this very intense moment in your life. It's the moment when you told the man you were engaged to that you were not going through with the wedding. And I want to go back to that time. First of all, tell me what you can about this guy.

How did you fall in love?

Taylor Tomlinson (3:38)

Oh, gosh, what a big question. He was somebody who worked in, was not a comedian, but worked in this world and felt like a perfect fit because it was within the comedy world, but not another comedian. And it was very, from what I remember, it's funny to say that I remember it moving slowly because we were engaged after a year, which is insanely fast. But the beginning felt very slow to me. And it was the first time that I had dated somebody that made me feel very calm. And I was coming off of another breakup, which was pretty much my entire 20s, was me going pretty quickly from relationship to relationship. I was very much a serial monogamous. But yeah, I just remember it was like very slow, very calm, very like stable and steady.