How Your Money Trauma Becomes Your Kid's

Nicole Lapin (0:00)

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Shefali Tsabary (1:00)

Money at the end of the day should be only a tool for freedom. And if it becomes an enslavement and it's your boss, you're using money the wrong way.

Nicole Lapin (1:09)

Dr. Shefali is the psychologist behind the Conscious Parenting Movement. It's the idea that you can't raise healthy kids without looking at your own crap first. Today she joins Money Rehab to teach us how to raise healthy kids both mentally and financially.

Shefali Tsabary (1:21)

The more from scarcity you come, the more we want to make them an Olympian. We want to make them Mozart. We want to make them ballet dancer. The more whole you are, the less you're going to give your kids. It comes from our lack inside.

Nicole Lapin (1:33)

The best way to talk about finances around your kid.

Shefali Tsabary (1:36)

I always try to tell parents that you want to find the yes, instead of like no, we can say yes and come up with a plan and I'll help you get it.

Nicole Lapin (1:46)

How to make sure your kids are resilient with money. In terms of money, what do you think is the greatest act of love you can give your child?

Shefali Tsabary (1:53)

That money doesn't f**k up.

Nicole Lapin (1:58)

I'm Nicole Lapin, the only financial expert you don't need a dictionary to understand. It's time for some Money Rehab. Dr. Shefali, welcome to Money Rehab.

Shefali Tsabary (2:13)

Oh, I'm so happy to be here.

Nicole Lapin (2:15)

I'm so happy to have you here because I do have to come clean that I bought only one parenting book while I was pregnant.

Shefali Tsabary (2:22)

Mine.

Nicole Lapin (2:23)

It was yours. It was not like what to expect when you were expecting.

There was going to be weird stuff that happened to my body. I could deal with it. But what I was really focused on was how do I raise my daughter without some of the childhood trauma that I went through. I grew up in a really chaotic upbringing, and all I was scared about while I was pregnant and thinking about how to educate myself was how do I not pass that down on to my daughter.

Shefali Tsabary (2:51)

So thank you for helping me. I hope it calmed you and I hope it gave you some direction. It's not easy to do conscious parenting, you know, and it never has a clear destination.

It doesn't have a goal, you know, like, oh, now this means I'm a conscious parent. It's really the willingness to constantly show up and be courageous and humble and evolve and look in the mirror and ask yourself, is this more about me or is this about them? And that question is the grounding principle of conscious parenting and conscious living in every moment, in every relationship to ask, to dare to ask, is this what's coming up about me or about us? You know, and that's so hard to do because we want to blame the other person, you know.

Nicole Lapin (3:39)

But you have to look in the mirror.

Shefali Tsabary (3:40)

I have to look in the mirror.

Nicole Lapin (3:42)

So much of that really comes from your own story and your own self. So, parental ego really resonated with me in that way, where you have to clean up your side of the street in all relationships, right?

Shefali Tsabary (3:56)

So, the trauma piece, many people can understand, especially when they grow up in trauma, they know very clearly that this doesn't feel good and I don't want to pass it down, okay? So, we can come to that awareness, you know where people find it really hard to decide to be conscious? The ones who don't have that much trauma, they're like, okay, I am conscious. They don't believe that there's more to be done in terms of, look at your belief systems anyway.