How video games can power up your parenting | Hannah Boquet (re-release)

Elise Hu (0:03)

You're listening to TED Talks Daily, where we bring you new ideas to spark your curiosity every day. I'm your host, Elise Hu.

Video games and kids is a complicated subject, especially for parents. A lot of us have probably spent more time begging our kids to get offline than joining them there. Esports competitor Hannah Boquet decided to try the opposite.

Hannah Boquet (0:24)

I've been watching my kids play video games for a while now, but I had no interest myself until I had this genius idea. Instead of trying to pull my kids into my world with me, what would it be like if I stepped into their world with them?

Elise Hu (0:40)

In this talk from 2025, Hannah shares the hilarious and touching story of what happened when she joined her sons in Fortnite with absolutely no idea what she was doing. She takes seriously the worries many parents have about these online spaces, but makes the case that video games and e-sports more broadly can be a place where kids build real skills and where families find each other. And she traces it all back to her own childhood.

Hannah Boquet (1:05)

My dad didn't really like video games, nor was he good at them.

But he chose to connect with us there because that's where we were. He chose to speak our language even though he didn't really like it.

Elise Hu (1:19)

For Hannah, it turns out video games can be a real game changer for families. That's coming up right after a short break.

And now, our TED Talk of the day.

Hannah Boquet (1:34)

Before I get started, I just want a quick show of hands. Who here has teens or pre-teen children? Okay, cool. That's a lot of you. I just want to know, has the experience been for you the same as it's been for me? And by that, I mean very connective. The communication is always very clear. There's never any conflict. Definitely no sneakiness. Same? Same? Okay, great. Good, good, good. I'm glad we can start all on the same page. But it's wild, isn't it? How quickly our children are growing. I began thinking a little while ago, how do I find a way to stay connected with my children when they're in this stage? When they were little, they would climb up onto my lap and ask me to sing them lullabies and read them stories. And now I feel the time that we have together just slipping through my fingers. My kids are digital native youth, and that means the entire time they've been around, so have video games and smartphones and the Internet and all of the technology. So I've been watching my kids play video games for a while now, but I had no interest myself until I had this genius idea. I wondered, what if instead of trying to pull my kids into my world with me, what would it be like if I stepped into their world with them? I mean, back in the day, I was pretty good at Diddy Kong racing. So like, how hard can it be? Okay, picture this. I'm sitting at my house with my headset on, with my PC in front of me, and my kids are over at their dad's house. My oldest, who are then 10 and 12, are there with their headsets on and their devices. And we all dive in to the wonderful, magic, mysterious world of Fortnite. Immediately, my kids are off, racking up points, opening treasure chests. I literally don't know what they're doing because I am right where I landed, spinning in a circle, don't even know how to open a door or open a treasure chest or move on to anything. And pretty soon, I have to let my kids know I've been shot and I'm down.

Immediately, my 12-year-old said, it's okay, hold on, mom. And this kid comes running towards me, building a structure out of literally nothing and holding his hand over me to heal me. That was kind of cool. I didn't know you could heal people. My middle son, if you have a middle son, you can probably relate with this, he comes crashing a semi-truck through the wall his brother just made, hops out in a full body banana costume, and lays his hand over me to heal me. After the exasperated sigh of, why do I have to?

That was the point where I could have quit, where I could have said, I'm terrible at video games, this is not for me. But I didn't quit. I didn't quit because we were laughing so hard. I was laughing at the absolute absurdity of this entire situation. And I suspect they might have been laughing at how completely terrible I was at video games. But at that point, they decided that they would stick closer to me and teach me how to play this game. But I didn't just learn about the game. I learned about them. I learned about the connections that they make together and the way they communicate while they're playing these games. And maybe, the most importantly, I learned this is the connection that I've been craving as well. I feel like we played and connected in a way that not a lot of teens and parents get to connect. Because we connected through play. We connected through them teaching me a new skill. And me being brave enough or silly enough to think I could maybe play along. And as it turns out, I wasn't alone. I was talking to my brother Amos about video games and he told me something surprising. He told me that he has connected with his nieces and nephews more through video games than anything else in the entire world. Before you judge him too harshly, you need to understand that Uncle Amos lives in New Zealand. Before he was in New Zealand, he lived in Germany. So the entire time that my kids have been around, they've never known Uncle Amos. They've never been in the same country as him. He would not get an hour-long phone call from my kids. But hopping on Fortnite, playing games together, making memories together, maybe learning how absolutely feral my middle son is, it's a game changer.