How to Thrive in a Distracted World | Psychologist, Emma Seppälä, Ph.D.

Emma Seppälä (0:01)

Oftentimes, I see the biggest thing standing in our way is not the external, it's the internal. No amount of success, no amount of love from others even, will make up for the hole in your heart from a lack of friendship from yourself, which is good news, because I think we can do something about that.

Michael Gervais (0:24)

Welcome back or welcome to the Finding Mastery podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Michael Gervais, by trade and training a high-performance psychologist. When was the last time you felt completely free? Not just happy, but you felt a profound sense of clarity and calm from within. Dr. Emma Seppälä has spent over a decade proving that this state of inner freedom, which she refers to as sovereignty, is not only achievable, but essential for our well-being. Emma is a psychologist, best-selling author, and leading researcher in the science of happiness and social connection. As the director of the Women's Leadership Program at the Yale School of Management, she's guided thousands of individuals towards greater emotional intelligence and resilience. Get ready for an enlightening discussion that challenges our approach to well-being.

Whether you're aiming to enhance your work, relationships, or personal growth, Emma's insights offer a fresh perspective on thriving in our complex world. So with that, let's dive right into this freeing conversation with Dr. Emma Seppälä. Emma, it is so great to have you on the Finding Mastery podcast. I'm so excited to dig into your research and your writings and how you're helping so many of us live just a little bit better in our lives. And so, but first, congratulations on your new book Sovereign. It's awesome. And before we dive into the meat of it, I just want to check in, like, how are you doing? How are you doing today?

Emma Seppälä (1:58)

I'm good, better, because I'm here with you.

Michael Gervais (2:00)

Thanks so much, President Wolf. It's so fun. Okay, so I hear buoyancy in your voice. Like, is that kind of how you go through life? Like, with that bubbly, you know, buoyancy in how you do life?

Emma Seppälä (2:15)

I hope so, but I think we all have all of the whole spectrum of emotions, right? Running through us all the time. But yeah, I like to try and live it in this way, for sure.

Michael Gervais (2:26)

Very cool. Okay, so on that note, let's dig into the title of your book, Sovereign. It's a word that is not used very often, and it has such weight and gravitas to it. Why did you choose that word as the title of your book?

Emma Seppälä (2:41)

Yeah, thanks for asking. So, you know, I had looked at the science of happiness and well-being for about 20 years, and also looked at interventions to help with things like trauma and anxiety and mental health. And then I realized after a while of both researching this and teaching about it that you could do all the happiness practices in the world.

And still, if you are buying into ways of thinking, acting, behaving, that are binding you, you're still not going to achieve the happiness fulfillment levels you're looking for. You're still going to be stuck. And I could not find in psychology, correct me if I'm wrong, a word for that sense of inner freedom. And we know that 70% of people on their deathbeds regret not living the life they wanted. Regret living a bound life in a way. And so I wanted to use a different word, a new word for this idea of inner freedom. Because again, you can do all the things, eat the right diet, do all the exercise, get all the sleep and still be wondering, why do I feel anxious and why do I feel self-loathing and why am I addicted to compulsive behaviors and I don't know why I'm still not happy. And so that's why I'm taking this to a whole new level, because my first book was about the science of happiness and this one is about this. It takes it another step further.

Michael Gervais (4:13)

And the step further in layman's terms, before we get into the science of it, is meaning in person, freedom, I'm sorry, meaning and purpose, freedom? Is that what you're looking towards?

Emma Seppälä (4:26)

Freedom, self-agency, awareness, courage. I have an equation for sovereignty in my book. You know, after writing chapter after chapter, I'm realizing there's an equation to it. And the first piece is awareness, which of course, as a psychologist, you know, that's what you're helping people gain. There's the awareness, self-awareness, external awareness. And then once you're aware of what you want to go beyond, then you need the courage to do that. But what you also need is a full tank. You can't really do it on a depleted empty tank, which our modern lifestyle often also conditions us for depletion. We can talk about that later. But with those three things, that's how I kind of have the equation for sovereignty. And I opened the book with two examples, one example of a female veteran that was in one of our studies, and she had been through absolute horror in her life. I remember, I mean, I heard a lot of horrible stories from veterans with combat trauma, but she had not just been to war by day, but at night she was for a year and a half at gunpoint told that she would not return alive to see her baby if she said anything.