How to shift a vibe with M. Night Shyamalan

M. Night Shyamalan (0:00)

Dude, let's not fake this vibe, what are we?

You and me? Yeah, what are we?

Adam Grant (0:08)

What are we? That's a great question.

M. Night Shyamalan (0:09)

I've asked him to go to the Sixers games, which he said no to twice. Did you hear that gas?

Gas, gas.

Adam Grant (0:20)

Hey everyone, it's Adam Grant. Welcome back to ReThinking, my podcast with Ted on the science of what makes us tick. I'm an organizational psychologist, and I'm taking you inside the minds of fascinating people who explore new thoughts and new ways of thinking.

I'm on tour for the launch of my new book Vibe, The Secrets of Strong Connections in a Lonely World, which means I get to talk about it live on stage with some of the most interesting people I know. This week, I'm sharing a conversation with one of my favorite filmmakers, M. Night Shyamalan, in the Authors at Wharton series. Night and I had a blast exploring how many close friends possible to have, why instant chemistry can become a horror story, how to shift a vibe on screen and in real life, and much more.

M. Night Shyamalan (1:16)

Hi, guys.

Adam Grant (1:17)

Hey, Night. Welcome to Authors at Wharton.

M. Night Shyamalan (1:19)

I know. This is so wild because he's interviewed me so many times.

Adam Grant (1:23)

Too many times?

M. Night Shyamalan (1:24)

So many times, so many times.

Adam Grant (1:25)

Well, I did come prepared. No, no, no.

M. Night Shyamalan (1:27)

I'm interviewing you.

Adam Grant (1:29)

I think this could be a conversation.

M. Night Shyamalan (1:30)

Sure.

Adam Grant (1:30)

I have questions for you too.

M. Night Shyamalan (1:31)

Well, we'll see. We'll see. We'll see how that goes. But I did want to know why.

Adam Grant (1:37)

Wait, before you dive in, can we just say, how amazing is it that M. Night Shyamalan is here?

Thank you. Thank you for coming to the series that I host and hosting me. It's really generous of you.

M. Night Shyamalan (1:53)

Well, thank you for asking me. Seriously. Adam has, he's like the Jordan of connectors.

So we go to dinners and he brings incredibly interesting people. If I come with a preconception of who I am or how I interact with people, you reset me and allow me to redefine myself. That's coming from you, your energy. You're exceptional at being with people, really. You are.

Adam Grant (2:18)

Well, thank you. That's very kind of you.

M. Night Shyamalan (2:22)

I love the way you think and I'm always a student myself, so I'm with you guys.

Adam Grant (2:27)

Well, thank you for reading the book. Not every interviewer does. Really?

M. Night Shyamalan (2:31)

Yeah. That's wacky.

So what I did was I read the book and then I just get super nerdy. There was 24 things that I marked down that I want to talk to you about. Then I put those 24 things in the six categories, so that's what we're going to talk about today.

Adam Grant (2:46)

Is this how you make your movies?

M. Night Shyamalan (2:47)

Yeah, I do. I try to break it down so I can get two years of work into doable parts.

Adam Grant (2:53)

I can't wait.

M. Night Shyamalan (2:56)

So this is a really beautiful thing which was really touching to me. So I'm paraphrasing some of the stuff on this page. A Vibe is the quality of connection between people. Then it says, the product is more than mutual attraction. It's mutual transformation, which really struck me. And there was two quotes that you put in the book from others. One was, each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive.

That's a really beautiful quote. And then another one in that vein, certain people draw out a version of you that didn't exist before. They witness you and thus rearrange you. We all carry endless hidden selves and latent worlds, waiting for the right grays to bring them to the surface.

Adam Grant (3:42)

Sounds like Maya Wilbrink and Anais Nin.

M. Night Shyamalan (3:45)

That's correct.

Adam Grant (3:46)

Yeah, I passed the test so far. Yeah, good.

I love those quotes.

M. Night Shyamalan (3:50)

Yeah, immediately you had me. Can you talk a little bit about that connection?

Adam Grant (3:56)

So Trevor Noah gave me a really interesting metaphor for this that I wish he'd given me while I was writing the book, because it's so perfect. You know in Harry Potter, how many people are familiar with the Horcrux in Harry Potter?

Okay, a lot of you. Okay, good. You've read, seen Harry Potter?