How to Manage Your Thoughts, Stay Present & Let Go of People Pleasing | AMA Vol. 13 with Dr. Michael Gervais

Michael Gervais (0:01)

No, that is not a genetic predisposition to have the it factor. You develop it. You develop it by all the psychological skills and all the practices that you do to know how to be fully present, independent of the conditions, independent of the environment. And when you can do that, you have freedom. You are no longer whipped around by the external world. You know how to stand in your body and be fully present with any moment. You know how to meet the demands of a moment because you have the psychological skills to pivot and adjust.

Welcome back, or welcome to another Ask Me Anything on Finding Mastery. I'm your host, Dr. Michael Gervais, by trade and training a high-performance psychologist.

Now, the purpose behind these conversations, behind these AMAs, is to hear from you, to explore the topics and questions that you've been wrestling with on your path to becoming. Now, the goal is to expand on the themes and the lessons and the best practices that we've discussed on the Finding Mastery podcast in order to make them even more applicable to your own life. We want to wrestle them down to make them real for you. So we're back with the one and the only O'Neill Sespedes, and today we've got a fun one for you. We dive into gift-giving and thoughts around the holiday season, why people-pleasing may be harming your well-being, the role and importance of great coaches, how sleep is intricately linked to performance, how to untangle your identity from external validation, and so much more. So with that, we are wishing you and yours a very happy holiday season. So let's jump right into Vol. 13 of Finding Mastery's Ask Me Anything.

O'Neill, happy Thanksgiving.

O'Neill Cespedes (1:52)

Dr. Mike, happy Thanksgiving.

Michael Gervais (1:54)

Yeah, this is one of my favorite seasons in the year.

O'Neill Cespedes (1:56)

Yeah, why?

Michael Gervais (1:57)

Well, just people and family and connections, and there's just, like, I'm not caught up in the hustle and bustle of, like, kind of the end of the year grind and thinking about gifts while I love giving gifts. You know, it's just that whole thing. This just has, it's free from that, and I personally love it.

O'Neill Cespedes (2:14)

Yeah, yeah, I mean, I love it too. I don't like the gift-giving part because it's like, I feel like it's burdensome now.

Michael Gervais (2:20)

Yeah, you feel like, yeah.

O'Neill Cespedes (2:22)

Yeah, because I don't expect anything, so I'm like...

Michael Gervais (2:25)

No, is that, you just lower your expectations?

O'Neill Cespedes (2:27)

No, I'm lying to you, I expect something.

Michael Gervais (2:28)

Oh, you do?

O'Neill Cespedes (2:29)

I just don't want to give anything. I'm just being real with you, so, you know.

Michael Gervais (2:32)

You've also got some interesting nails.

O'Neill Cespedes (2:34)

Yeah, you know, I was trying to hide them, but since you called them out, I guess I...

Michael Gervais (2:38)

You can't hide those nails.

O'Neill Cespedes (2:39)

Yeah, I can't hide these nails, so yeah, yeah.

Michael Gervais (2:42)

So, like, okay, Fuchsia.

O'Neill Cespedes (2:46)

I didn't know they were Fuchsia. I thought they were dark pink.

Michael Gervais (2:50)

Okay, well, I mean, you know, I'm not an expert, but... What's the reason behind it?

O'Neill Cespedes (2:56)

No reason, I mean, I get my nails painted, I get my toes and my nails done, and the nail ladies that were doing my toes and nails, I don't know, they were asking me what color I wanted. I normally get them black, but I was like, let me try something different, you know? And they were like, what do you want? And I was like, yeah, give me the dark pink, with actually Fuchsia. And they applied them.

Michael Gervais (3:15)

Is this like, how long has this been happening for you?

O'Neill Cespedes (3:18)

I get my nails done all the time, so for a while.

I've never gotten this standout of a color, so I've been getting a lot of responses on it. You know what I'm saying? So as you can imagine.

Michael Gervais (3:31)

Like from friends?

O'Neill Cespedes (3:32)

Yeah, oh yeah, my friends, male friends in particular.

Michael Gervais (3:35)

Give me a hard time.

O'Neill Cespedes (3:36)

Give me a hard time, but I'm O'Neill, so it makes no difference to me. I'm like, I'm O'Neill, so it makes no difference.

Michael Gervais (3:44)

Awesome. Well, I'm glad we're at it again.

O'Neill Cespedes (3:47)

I'm glad we're at it again, too. By the way, before I forget, congratulations on the book.

Michael Gervais (3:50)

Yeah, thank you.

O'Neill Cespedes (3:51)