How To Live the Good Life - Lessons From The Longest Study On Happiness | Dr. Robert Waldinger

Robert Waldinger (0:00)

But the surprise for us was that the good life is built on relationships, that what we found was that the people who had the warmest connections with others and maintained those connections as they went through life, those are the people who not just were happier, but they stayed healthier and they lived longer.

Michael Gervais (0:31)

Okay, welcome back, or welcome to the Finding Mastery podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Michael Gervais, by trade and training a high-performance psychologist. And I could not be happier, and I use that word intentionally here, to sit down with Dr. Robert Waldinger for this week's conversation. A psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, Harvard professor, and a Zen master. Bob has spent decades examining happiness. As the director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, he's leading the longest running scientific study on happiness. It's over eight decades long, following the lives of thousands of participants, which is explored in his newly released book, The Good Life.

This conversation is so meaningful that I trust you will resonate with it, no matter whether you're focused on the good life for yourself, your team, your business, or all of the above.

All of us share a common thread. We're all humans who want to live a life that matters, that's purposeful and fulfilling. While there are no secrets to happiness, Bob and I dive into the increasing importance of true connection, the anecdote to loneliness, and ultimately, what it really means to live the good life. This is a special one. And if you're enjoying this podcast and haven't already, just a quick reminder to hit the subscribe or follow button and to drop us a review wherever you're listening. It is the easiest and zero cost way to support the show. And with that, let's jump right into this week's conversation with Dr. Robert Waldinger.

Bob, how are you?

Robert Waldinger (2:11)

I'm good. I'm glad to be here.

Michael Gervais (2:13)

Oh, I'm so happy to be here with you as well. And on that note of happiness, you and your partner have written a seminal book on the good life.

And you've nested it on 75 years, I think it is, or maybe it's plus.

Robert Waldinger (2:28)

It's now 85

Michael Gervais (2:30)

85 years of research at Harvard. And it's an amazing, amazing compilation of insights that you've pulled together. And so as I'm reading that book, and we're talking about happiness right now, is that I think you and I agree that happiness is not the end all be all, which might be very surprising for a lot of people. And so can you start with your insight about what you're calling the good life, and then maybe string in it how you think about happiness as one of the variables of the good life?

Robert Waldinger (3:05)

Well, what we found in this vast amount of data over 85 years is that human connection is a huge driver of a good life, of well-being, of happiness.

But that said, research tells us that happiness isn't just one flavor. Actually, there are kind of two big flavors of happiness, and maybe a third that research is beginning to show us. So why don't I say a little bit about those, and then we can talk about the book and our study.

Michael Gervais (3:41)

I love that, yes.

Robert Waldinger (3:42)

The research is showing that there is a kind of happiness that they call hedonic well-being, and it comes from hedonism, and it's like, am I having fun right now? Is this a good party? Is this a good meal? Am I enjoying myself, right?

And then the other kind of happiness is called eudaemonic well-being. It comes from Aristotle, from the Greek, and it refers to that sense that life is good, that life is meaningful.

And the best distinction between those two comes from a mom who's a friend of mine, and she said, you know, I read to my daughter before bed every night, and she always wants me to read the books again and again. So I'm there and I'm exhausted, and she's asking me to read Good Night Moon for the seventh time. And am I having fun? No. Is it the most meaningful thing I could imagine doing with my time?

Michael Gervais (4:43)

Yes.

Robert Waldinger (4:44)

And so the difference between hedonic well-being, having fun, and doing something that we care about that's meaningful, are these two flavors. And I think what we know is that everybody wants some of both. Everybody wants some moment-to-moment happiness, and some sense that life is basically good and my life has some meaning.

But we prioritize it more or less depending on who we are. Some of us are real party animals, that's what we love. Some of us are much more, I'm going to defer that gratification because I'm aiming for this big, meaningful thing in my life. And there's one more flavor which I'll add, comes out of Columbia University.